Lone Star state of mind

Texas, you big beautiful state you!

Texas has been a part of my life since before I was born. It’s part of family lore that my paternal grandparents missed my birth because my grandpa was afraid they would hit freezing rain in Missouri on their way to their winter home in South Padre Island Texas. I would bet that they day she died, my grandmother was still pissed about that. I would also guarantee that if he had it to do over again, my grandfather would not have risked freezing rain in Missouri.

Shortly after I was born my grandparents moved to Padre permanently. Sure, I never knew what it was like to have grandparents live in the same town as me, but they lived on a freakin’ island!! How cool is that.  Back in the day there wasn’t much to do at Padre, but I never noticed.  They lived less then a block from the beach and when I was there…which was often…the vast majority of my time was spent on the beach, in the gulf or in the swimming pools at the small condo buildings that lined the beach. Seriously, it was an idyllic experience.

Around the age of 6 I started spending long summers in Padre. Sometimes I flew, by myself–such a big girl, but more often then not I was driven down. My dad and I would hop in whatever vehicle he had at the time and set out for a two day trip that only went through two states. Usually we would stop in Dallas and see a family friend who lived there. I’d swim in the pool or we’d go to another friend’s house for brisket or some other such Texas fare. Then early the next day we would take the long drive to the Island.

I love all the small towns in Texas. They are all so different but are all so similar and are all so….Texas. There was a Dairy Queen we would stop at in some tiny town.  There I would just sit and people watch, even at six, and wonder what it was like to live in such a small town. Sure, Edmond Oklahoma is hardly a booming metropolis, but our streets were streets, not farm roads.  We would drive through King Ranch….which takes forever….and then soon we were in the Rio Grande Valley. So many little random business and so much agriculture. I’ve been a lot of places in this country and none are anything like the RGV. Once I started seeing seashell shops, I knew we were close. We would take that drive along the super tall causeway and I was once again home, or at least in my home away from home. My grandparents and parents would talk shit about Texans and how they acted like Texas was the be all end all, but secretly I think they sort of agreed.  My grandma had a decorative plate that had two angels on it and one of them had a speech bubble over it’s head that said, “And if we are very good, we will go to Texas!”  I have all of her plates…but that one is missing. I so wish I had that plate.

Once I moved to California in 1985, trips to Texas became fewer and further between. Plus I was a teenager and let’s face it, teenagers suck and don’t appreciate anything at the time.  When my grandparents moved to Florida around 1994, my trips to Texas ended. I didn’t even knew I missed them until…

September 2005.  While the gulf coast was still reeling from Hurricane Katrina and anticipating Hurricane Rita, I was on my way to the Austin City Limits festival. When I stepped off the plane in Austin, my love for Texas came flooding back. The smell of breakfast tacos, the live music, sharing a plane with Ray Benson and wishing him luck on getting to the festival on time for his slot. It all was perfect. I dropped my stuff off at the hotel, grabbed a cab to Zilker park and I was off. The natural beauty in Texas isn’t easy for some to appreciate. I, however, am truly enchanted by it.  The scrubby mesquite just standing there against the heat and wind. The long stretches of land untouched by “civilization.” All of it resonates inside of me like few other places I’ve ever been. Austin has the lovely Town Lake, the refreshing Barton Springs and so many trails and byways that it’s easy to forget you are in a city. I spent the next three days sweating and breathing dirt and loving my life more then I knew I could. I didn’t eat, I drank water. I took long showers in the evening to remove the mass quantities of soil that seemed embedded in my flesh. I loved it all. It probably didn’t hurt that the first night we were there my favorite band, Reckless Kelly, was playing at Threadgill’s across the street from my hotel.  I’m not usually one to go solo to a show, but I couldn’t miss it and my traveling companion thought slee sounded like a better option. Then I remembered, you’re never alone at a Reckless Kelly show because RK fans are all friends you just haven’t met yet. Sure, the members of the band aren’t FROM Texas, but the heart of the band is from Texas and that all worked out well in my mind.  The next night I had, what I consider, the ultimate Texas evening. Drove down to New Braunfels in the darkest of nights, ate dinner overlooking the Guadalupe river and saw Reckless Kelly at Gruene Hall. Sweet Jesus, I’ve never been a churchgoer, but if church made me feel like that night did, I would be up bright and early every Sunday morning. Of course, Reckless Kelly doesn’t see many early Sunday mornings, so I think I can keep sleeping in.

My next trio to Texas was for SXSW. Lifechanging trip. Ate the best BBQ of my life at Kreuz’s. Had more fun then should be allowed by law. It was confirmed on this trip that Texas had played and continued to play a huge role in my life.

I’ve only been back once since SXSW in 2006 and that was for a Reckless Kelly live cd recording, obsessed? me? surely you jest!  I was there for 16 hours, but what I 16 hours it was. I made friends that night that I still keep in touch with. We were all part of something super special that night…and I don’t think it could have happened anywhere but Texas.

Lately I’ve been NEEDING to go back. Sure, my best friend since first grade had a baby 8 months ago that I haven’t seen in Chicago. Sure, I never visit my family in Florida. But dammit all to hell I need to go to Texas.  I need to breathe that thick air. I need to shop for random things, and cowboy boots!, in Austin.  I need to drink crappy beer and good liquor with some of the most fun people on the planet.  I need to sit in Zilker park and just think. I need to sit on Town Lake  and drink coffee at Mozarts. I need to roam the stacks in Waterloo. I need some Lone Star time.

I guess I’m kind of a lone star myself. But I hope that, much like Texas, with it’s quiet strength, that there is a nobility with me being a lone star. Texas isn’t about the jerks who act like when you cross out of the state line you lose any reason for living.  Texas is about knowing that when you cross into Texas, you are crossing into a special, stark, beautiful, lush and dry land that has endless opportunities and room for endless heartache.

Don’t mess with Texas! 🙂

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A Brief Accounting

Here is a brief list of my faults, issues, and confessions. There is no way in the universe that I would ever be able to list all of them, but here are the ones that seem to be causing me the most trauma lately.

  • I fear commitment
  • I fear being lonely
  • I like the wrong boys for the wrong reasons
  • I have big pores
  • I have a tendency to want people to like me so much that I don’t actually let them get to know the “real” me
  • I feel too much
  • I think too much
  • I eat chips and dip for breakfast sometimes
  • I don’t always brush my teeth twice a day
  • I wear my contacts for days on end when I am not supposed to
  • I love my pets too much
  • I REALLY love my dog too much
  • I’m self-centered
  • I can be self-destructive
  • I take insults well
  • I take compliments horribly
  • I don’t speak up for injustice because I still believe that people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time
  • I have no tolerance for stupidity
  • When people say “Do what?” instead of “pardon me” “what was that?” or even “huh?” I want to scream
  • I bite my fingernails
  • I don’t like to clean my kitchen
  • I rarely put away my laundry
  • My good intentions outnumber my good deeds exponentially
  • I expect return phone calls
  • I have no problem sleeping with someone on the first date
  • I have dozens of pairs of shoes and handbags
  • There are 5 handbags in my possession that I have never used
  • I let my dog kiss me on the mouth (mouth closed!)
  • I’m easily entertained
  • I’m easily discouraged
  • I start lots of things that I never finish
  • I get ridiculously happy in the presence of musicians
  • I fear clowns, little people and lawn work
  • I put on a brave face when I want to cry
  • I spent so much of my life trying to not talk too loud that I now get accused of talking too softly
  • I sleep in my clothes more often then anyone with an actual home and actual pajamas should
  • I still believe in fairytales
  • If it wouldn’t make me sick I would only eat appetizers and desserts and only drink Tropicana Light Lemonade or Vodka Tonics
  • I like to get drunk….even if I sometimes fall down
  • I have a list of boys that I want to “lick from head to toe”–it’s a VERY short list and easier to get off then get on
  • I have a freakishly short tongue
  • Sometimes I would rather sit at home alone on Saturday night then go out with actual people
  • If I stay at home alone on Saturday night instead of going out with actual people, I will be pissed at myself about it on Sunday
  • I still draw on myself from time to time, but now I call it “tattoo research”
  • I want better cleavage
  • I rarely make my bed
  • I can’t find the right lipstick color
  • I need something to wear to the agency anniversary party
  • I’m more excited about the open bar at the anniversary party than Ricky Skaggs performing
  • I need a date to the anniversary party—ok, I don’t NEED one, I want one, one particular one.
  • I obsess over boys
  • I quote song lyrics a LOT!
  • I have an oral fixation
  • I want to go canoeing again, with pretty much the same exact people and a whole bucket full of new knowledge
  • I need new panties
  • I have bouts of insomnia and bouts of “whatever you call it when all you do is sleep, but not because you are depressed or physically exhausted”
  • I’m not participating in “Hands on Nashville Day” because I don’t want to be too tired to raise hell with my buddies Reckless Kelly that night
  • I still haven’t finished Harry Potter book 4 and it’s making me want to abandon the series all together
  • I’m tired of listing my faults

Blogette 18

Porn at work.

Would seem like a bad thing.

However, I must admit that I have spent the last half hour or so on this site and well…….SIGH.

I know it is not at all unique to be a woman who loves shoes, but look at a few pages of this site and tell me that they are not works of art.  Works of art that you can wear. Works of art that always fit. Works of art that are attainable, if for nothing else then trying on.

I love shoes!!!

The Weekend In Review

This weekend wasn’t a big exciting weekend…but it was a good weekend and I woke up smiling this morning….so that’s got to be something. 

Friday: Worked, well, sat at work and tried to figure out things to do to pass the time.  Sad, sad day on my time sheet as far as billable hours were concerned.  Half of the office was on vacation…even if there were things to be done, no one was there to do them.  Got new brakes on the Little Red Rocket…and I mean the whole nine yards, rotors, pads, and even wheel cylinders.  WOO HOO!  I can stop like all the other cars now.  Stopped at Target on the way home and got a sweet new flat iron (it was needed, new haircut+ cracked flat iron = need to new flat iron) and I got some Brita filters too (I know how to party AND hydrate).  The filters were on sale AND I got a $5 Target gift card that had a cute hologram of a puppy rolling over on it. I also got a cute flowered fabric purse I had had my eyes on for awhile that was 30% off.  Went home, watched some “What Not to Wear” and fell asleep on the couch.  Yeah, I’m a party girl, what can I say. 

Saturday: Was awoken by Noodle kisses.  Got up, walked him, took a shower and met Ear Injury at DSW for the beginning of what would be Shop-a-palooza 2007!  DSW was having their end of summer sale (don’t ask) and before Ear injury even got there, I had picked up 2 purses, both under $15 with retail prices of $85 and $150!  One was a b-day gift for my mom….she’ll love it.  Then I found the elusive dark brown flip flops I had been searching for.  Born’s also….for like $25!!!  YES!  We hit Old Navy , and we hit it HARD!  There were two shirts that I had wanted for awhile that were both on sale for $8.  I also got a cute babydoll sweater that can take me into fall and a little black dress that will ROCK once I get this tan in better order. Then we stopped at Target for a bit (got some cute earrings and a tasty beverage) before arriving at the mall.  We didn’t go THAT many places in the mall, but it seemed like we were there FOREVER!  After failing at our quest to get a pretzel—stupid directory—we both but ourselves off and went home.  We won’t even get into the crazy kiosk lady who was doing the full court press to get us to buy this nail buffer.  I wonder how that one thumbnail is looking……  I went home and passed out for 2 hours.  I was BEAT!  I think I pulled a muscle carrying all my packages, or it might have been the 38lb thing of kitty litter (where’s a boy when you need him!?)  After the nap I went to dinner with Pops, got my first pair of Crocs ( I LOVE THEM!) and we went to see Ratatouille.  That movie was really cute and, as most pixar things are, really well done.  I was so tired when I got home that I fell asleep on top of my covers, in my clothes, including my Crocs (which had been put on in response to the scary blisters I got from the super cute skimmers I had worn to dinner). I woke up Sunday am with my furry friends all around me, the kitchen and bedroom light on and fully clothed—and NOT hungover, interesting. 

Sunday: I was all rested from the previous day’s festivities and it wasn’t bloody hot outside, so Noodle and I hit the dog park.  There were a surprising number of dogs there for 9:30 on Sunday morning, or at least is surprised me.  I don’t see 9:30 Sunday morning outside of my house very often.  Noodle took off like a bolt of lightning when we got there and went to town.  Lots of butt sniffing and licking.  He ran with the pack for awhile, then started hitting up the other humans.  He loves the attention of humans. This big black dog kept running up and knocking Noodle over and rolling around with him.  Noodle was NOT amused.  He squealed and ran over to me every time.  Poor little Mama’s Boy!  Once he stopped running around, I decided to take his dirty butt home.  My normally white dog was now FILTHY!!!!  So we got home and he instantly got in the bath.  He was so worn out that he didn’t seem to mind the bath at all.  He even fell asleep while I was blow drying him.  Once he was all taken care of, I went to the pool.  No one was there.  I had the joint completely to myself.  I hopped on my hot pink floaty and read for awhile.  Then I got sleepy and decided to float, sleep and tan at the same time—I love to multi-task!  All was well and good until the heavens opened up and raindrops so big that they hurt started to pelt me.  I ran under a tree with all my stuff trying to decide if it was a 5 minute storm.  Once it thundered,  I decided it wasn’t.  I scurried into the house.  I opened the patio door to listen to the rain and fell asleep with Noodle and Kobe (Fergus was in his own bed) on the couch for a lovely Sunday afternoon nap.  Didn’t get much sun time, but I have Wednesday and all next weekend to make up for it. Went to dinner with my Pops at Las Palmas, then went home, did some laundry and called to see what was up with my internet (I had been unable to get online at home for 4 days…I had myspace withdrawls BIG TIME!) Come to find out, the ONE button I hadn’t touched in attempts to fix things myself was the magic button.  LAME! But all’s well that ends well.  I caught up on Mr. T’s life—got himself an iPhone, and responded to emails, etc…. Then I watched 4 “Gay Robot” clips on YouTube—which were really funny and went to bed, IN MY BED!!!

It’s dead at work this week, but that’s alright I guess.  Not sure how I’ll pass the time, but I’m sure I will.  Cheesecake Factory for a b-day tonight, pre-trivia.  Party tomorrow night.  Wednesday, lots of pool time….then who knows what for the rest of the week.  There better be some smooching with cute boys this week…..I’m just saying.

 

blogette 6

I saw it first on yewknee and then Nashville Cream mentioned it, so now I must mention it.  It’s a new site called Last Night’s Shoes and it is so intriguing!  I want to write short stories about what those shoes have been doing.  I want to meet the people who are wearing those shoes.  I want to go sit by my pool.   But I digress.

That is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

My subconscious sucks!

*****warning! I am a little bit tipsy and as a result VERY sensitive. come on in to my pity party….all are welcome!*****

So, I’ve been having all these weird thoughts about pregnancy, right. Well, turns out, one of my best friends, a girl I’ve known since first grade and love to death ,is pregnant. That’s right, I’m going to be an Auntie again. While, in general, I am thrilled, it also is a painful reminder. This girl has done many things that I have yet to do. She’s been married ….TWICE (she’s on #2 and I guarantee he’s a keeper) been divorced (ok…not really wanting to do this one) and is now on her second home she’s owned. Oh yeah, and now she’s pregnant. I know I am a horrible person for not being able to be anything but thrilled at this news…..but DAYUM! What universal law have I broken that finds me in a one bedroom apartment with three neutered animals and a drawer full of cute panties that are seen not nearly enough?!?!?!

To add to my subconscious’ fun with me, the team I played trivia with tonight was named “I love boobies.” Sure–who doesn’t . I should be glad that I wasn’t left alone to fend for myself at trivia and had some folks to play with….but BOOBIES???? This is an area that I am painfuly lacking in. In the last few months I have thought about surgical “enhancements” more then I ever thought I would. But, alas, I would not be happy with that. I’d feel so artificial and since I can hardly deal with the real me most of the time, there’s no way I could live up to some bodacious ta-tas! This has become a bit more of an issue in my head because I feel as though I would be competing with big boobie girls to enter the world of The Player to be Named Later Yes, I know my obsession with him is silly….but still. He’s apparently dated strippers (dubious choice at best) and has a ton of fine ass, big boobied girls who think he is the cat’s pajamas. What would he want with an average girl, with little boobs who laughs really loud, snorts from time to time, has a problem not speaking her mind, likes to paint and analyze song lyrics and loves her dog, her cats, her handbags and shoe shopping more then she should? Seriously….

So here I sit. Jealous of one of my best friends. Intimidated by women who are after a man I don’t even know. Feeling sorry for myself that the best kisses I get involve dog breath. Yet, somehow, still stupidly optimistic and refusing to give up.

WTF?????

Ok, that is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.