Don’t mean to mislead (a complete overshare!)

OK–the ol’ sex tag was used on a post of mine, but there wasn’t anything super sexual in the post.  So, the couple dozen folks who came across my ramblings looking for some hot and heavy action….so sorry.

However, this would seem as good a time as any to outline my general idea on the topic of bumpin’ nasties, knocking boots, making love, what have you. A topic as important as this, obviously, deserves a bulleted list.

  • First and foremost, I like sex. I like it a lot. I mean, seriously…a LOT!
  • When I was a pre-teen (like 12 I think) I decided that 17 was a good age to lose my virginity.  No idea why. Perhaps I figured that I would have a car (place) been exposed to a variety of guys (options) and would be mature enough to handle it (delusion).
  • I lost my virginity at 17 🙂 I didn’t really have some great big feelings for the guy.  He seemed a means to an end at that point. I will give him this…..he knew what he was doing.  He was older and I later found out prided himself in taking girl’s virginity–nice.
  • The next guy I had sex with was a totally different thing. (just so ya know…..I will not be going through every guy I’ve had sex with……..no one, other then me,at this point in my life, needs to know my ‘number’) He and I had great chemistry.  We talked for hours on end. We would sit at the beach and just hold hands not speaking for hours. I loved him and he loved me. Sex with him was amazing. The first guy had all the moves, but this guy had the moves AND he loved me.  It’s like apple pie (apparently the perfect metaphor for sex).  Apple pie is good.  Apple pie with ice cream is amazing.  He was my ice cream.  We were together for quite a while.  Toyed around with marriage, the whole 9.  Things got complicated in ways that are quite “soap opera” like. We got back together a couple more times before he married his “baby mama”—soap opera!—and I moved on. I kept in touch with him. We still loved each other, blah blah blah…..
  • The marine. Yep…that’s right, I dated military.  Actually, I’ve dated more then my fair share of military, but the marine is the only one that “counts.” I met him the day after he got out of the “brig.” Seriously, I know how to pick ’em! I don’t know that I have had a more physical connection, attraction or relationship with anyone then I did with him. In the process of convincing me to have sex with him (it wasn’t a very long process) he said the words “I always know that I can get myself off…..it’s all about you when we are together.”  Um–ok, this bar table seems like a good place to go at it! It may have been a line (a successful one) but it didn’t matter because he was not all talk. He backed up his words.  Good GOD! He got discharged from the Marines and moved home to Louisiana where he became a semi-pro hockey player.  After I moved to Nashville he would come through town every once in awhile and we would “hook up.”  Last summer he was in town for an extended time (now that he had a real job) and we talked of him moving here for good.  In a strange moment of clarity and maturity, I told him that if he was moving here to be with me, he would be dissappointed.  The sex was great, but I had no intention of developing a relationship with him. It got ugly. He left. I haven’t spoken to him since and don’t think I will.
  • The “others.”  This isn’t a large group, but none of them deserve their own paragraph.  These were boys/men that had brief guest spots on the TV show of my life.  Some were friends with benefits. Some were people who wanted to date me that I just wanted to have sex with.  Some were people that, well,  I had sex with because we both wanted to have sex with someone and we were both available.  I include in this group my one (and hopefully only) one night stand. To say that these men had no bearing in my life at all would be both a lie and would make me seem slutty.  To say that they were core shakers or anything but little side trips on the road of life would be over romanticizing. They happened.
  • There are times when I think that I don’t put the right amount of importance on sex. That it is more then a physical act, etc….. Sometimes it is, but sometimes it is not.  I suppose that if I had waited until I got married I would have different views (and be a 33 year old virgin) but I didn’t and I don’t regret my choice to not wait.  I would probably be a “technical virgin” only….and really, I don’t know that it counts. 
  • I’ve known people who say that they want to save this one thing for their husband.  Ok…I’ll save sex on an airplane, or in a field in the middle of a rock show, or page 248 of the Karma Sutra, or in the Burger King bathroom for my husband. If it’s about a particular act, there are countless acts that I will share only with the one I chose to spend my life with. Plus, no matter what I have done before, with each person, each act is different, or special in it’s own way because it’s a different person. 
  • Sex is like snowflakes…..no two lays are the same.
  • The ear lobe is a much neglected spot on the body.
  • The surreptitious hand hold is one of the sexiest things in the world.
  • Asking for that first kiss is always a good idea.
  • Just because a girl likes sex doesn’t mean she is ; slutty, easy, willing to have sex with YOU!
  • Never underestimate cuddle time.  I’m not talking all night, but the “hit and run” is never a good idea.

So there is my mini-manifesto on sex. Not titillating or specific, but I’m not that kind of gal. Not sure I’ll keep this post up for very long, but then again, maybe I will.  Maybe having this kind of a record out there for all who stumble across it to see is just what I need to straighten things out in this area of my life.  Maybe I just need a cocktail………

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Calling All Boys!

I have recently discovered a secret power I have and I’m offering it up for all you men/boys/males out there. If you are looking for a new girlfriend or to make a commitment to a lady (or heck, a guy if that’s your thing) in your life…..all you have to do is get me to like you. That’s right, be creative, be a musician, have dark hair, be halfway nice to me and before you know it, love will be yours. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be with me….most likely it won’t be with me. I’m like a lucky charm for males around me.

Here are some examples of my power.

High School: dated cute football player. He broke up with me to date a much younger girl and then, apparently while dating her, realized he was gay. He didn’t act on this until much later, but he told me that he made me comfortable enough with himself that he went after the underage hottie and eventually realized that he was more of an “outdoor plumbing” kind of guy. Yippppeee.

College: (hmmm…..hard to pick just one) Let’s just say that every guy I dated is now married, many with children. I have two cats and a dog. When I run into these fine fellas they all tell me how great a person I was and how much confidence I instilled in them and how I taught them how to love better. Whatever. Fuck all of you…..ooops, let me take off my angry eyes.

Post College: Perhaps it’s a case of “once (20 times) bitten, twice shy (to the point of vascilating between being celibate and a slut monkey)” but post college I’ve had a rough run. I’ve surrounded myself, at various times, with some of the most fascinating and wonderful men on the planet. Most of them see/saw me as a really good friend. I was an informant for the female gender (sorry!). In some cases I was a good booty call. Overall, I was/am someone who these guys would come to for advice with girls. I would tell them what I would like and then watched them go do it to/for/with some other girl.

Feel free to leave me a comment if you are a guy who needs some love advice. If you want to get a new girlfriend. wife, etc….in no time flat, be somewhat attractive, silly, smart or any combination of that and I will put a spell on you that will make you irresistible to all woman and completely unaware of seeing me as anything but a friend. If you are a girl, who has a guy friend you’d like to convert….I’m pretty sure my power works that way also.

I just want to make everyone around me happy……..I’m a giver 😀

Available: One Slightly Used Heart

Hmmm–not sure if slightly used is the correct term.  Previously owned?  Don’t like the sound of that. Well worn in?  Eh. Vintage? I’m not THAT old.

Regardless….the important word is available.  In the last few weeks, couple of months, what have you, I have felt a certain change in my spirit towards romance.  Watching a surprisingly good movie this evening, I realized what the change was.  In the movie the main character’s fiance has died and she moves in with his friends, one of which OBVIOUSLY has a major thing for her.  At one point she asks him who he’s dating and he says no one.  He then goes on to say that it doesn’t really matter because he isn’t available anyway.  She thinks he’s having an affair with a married woman or something and then finally clues in that he isn’t “available” because he is in love with her.

It dawned on me that romantic availability doesn’t have a lot to do with there being a “couple,” it has to do with what you feel in your own heart.  In my recent memory I haven’t been available. Sometimes it’s because I was so terrified that I would get my heart broken again that being alone sounded better and sometimes, probably most recently, it is because I had given someone else my heart.  They didn’t take it. Weren’t interested in having it. Were terrified at the prospect of it.  But, none the less, they had it. I knew it. They knew it. What neither of us knew, however, was what to do about it.  I took some lovely self destructive routes. Did some things I might not have done otherwise.  Said things that they didn’t deserve to hear–not bad things, but actually rather nice things that they didn’t deserve because they couldn’t deal with them. A variety of things happened and it all came to a pounding crescendo…and that was it. The level for which I care for this person is the same, but the level at which that caring effects me is much different. I feel like things are almost back to normal and that is good.

Which brings me to where I am today.  Today I am feeling more open at the prospect of romance, etc… then I have in a long time.  I’m not analyzing what I think I want or need, but just seeing how people make me feel.  People who make me feel good, emotionally or physically are tops in my book. It isn’t about being “cool” or suave or debonair.  I’m not looking for a bad boy or a good boy.  I’m not really looking for anything other then someone who gets as much pleasure from my company as I do from their’s. It’s all about a smile or a laugh or a hug or the random touching of a hand that sends electricity through my body.

I had a very restless night sleeping last night that, I believe, is within this same topic.  I had so many very “hot” dreams last night about a certain person that I woke up a couple of times out of breath.  Physically out of breath, sweating and smiling.  These were dreams, just dreams, but DAYUM! The only thing that troubles me about these dreams is that there is some sort of disconnect in my feelings for this person.  I love them to death.  I would do anything for them.  They are sweet and kind and silly and manly and cute.  They are a very important friend to me.  I am also incredibly physically attracted to them. They have a way of looking at me that gives me butterflies.  They have a playful nature that really floats my boat.  So it would seem that all the pieces are there for a good thing.  However, for the life of me, I can’t imagine dating this person.  Sure, hanging out is good. Sure, hours of hot monkey sex is good. But somehow, I can’t bridge the gap.  For the record….there has been no hot monkey sex.  I was talking to a friend about this and they were asking what the difference is?  Isn’t dating basically hanging out and then having sex?  But, somehow, in my odd little mind, it’s different.  When I hang out with someone I’m dating, there is always a monkey sex undertone.  There are little glances and random touching that is all some very early foreplay.  When I hang out with this person, it’s just hanging out. Talking about what we’ve been doing, movies, etc….Sure, there may be some flirting, but it’s the kind of flirting that females do with their male friends, flirting that has no intention of being anything other then flirting.  What the hell is my problem? I can 100% say that I am open and available, is there something about this (pardon the expression) “low hanging fruit” that doesn’t have enough of a challenge for me? Even after all I’ve learned, do I still need a bit more of a challenge?  God I hope not.

We won’t even get into my boy obsession I don’t actually know…….that’s a mess for another day.

It’s week 3 on the bc pills, and that is always interesting. Perhaps this hormonal surge will be just what I need to get things in motion. Hee hee, that would be cool.

Friends with benefits?

The concept of “friends with benefits” has been plaguing my mind lately.  I have had such situations in the past, but if I am completely honest with myself (it happens every once in awhile) those were more focused on the “benefits” portion of the equation. I liked these fellas just fine and would think about donating blood if they had surgery, but I wouldn’t give them a kidney or anything.  Mostly it was a situation where we were physically attracted to one another, got along well and didn’t have a “special someone” in our lives (well, one schmuck actually DID have a “special someone”–but that’s a whole other mess). They were mutually beneficial situations and somehow no one ever got hurt, they just sort of ended.

The situation that is consuming my mind right now is much more focused on the “friend” aspect. If I have learned anything in this life, it is the importance of friends.  My friends really are my lifeblood in so many ways and the thought of losing one as a result of hormonal actions, breaks my heart.  I’m beginning to believe that “FWB” HAS to focus on the benefits. But DAYUM, I can think of dear friends of mine who would be great to have a benefits package with.  Friends who I already occassionaly find myself holding hands with, or making out with, or just kinda sitting together all snuggled up and happy.

Here’s the weird thing.  I’ve had men/boys in my life who made my knees quiver and my stomach do flips and my heart melt even thinking of being in their presence.  Boys who I couldn’t keep my hands off of, yet we also had actual relationships. Boys I can confidently say I was “in love” with. I believe the term used in “Sex and the City” was “core shakers.”  But do I want another “core shaker?”  Why am I compelled to repeat actions, which evidenced by my current sleeping partners being a dog and two cats, have not turned out very good for me. Maybe I should go for a friend. A friend that I’m attracted to.  A friend that makes me smile to think about and feel content when I am with them. A friend who wants to protect me. No big drama. No soaring soundtrack everytime we see each other.  No running across fields into each other’s arms.  Just knowing that we truly care about one another. Want the best for each other. Have a great time when we are together. Don’t fall apart when we aren’t together.  Is this settling or is it a realization that what I have been going after my whole life, isn’t what I really want or need?

Oh hell, I don’t know.  I’m so hormonal right now that I have new found understanding of and sympathy for teenage boys. Too bad I’ve sworn off one night stands (I’ve only technically had one—it was mess enough for a lifetime!)!!!

Hopefully I will become so consumed with the Harry Potter books, which I am finally going to read, that all this boy stuff will pass with little or no damage done……..not bloody likely though.