What’s on my mind today.

  1. a certain friend who is being distant these days. When I ask them about something in particular they indicate that I don’t know what’s going on with their world right now and when I point out that the inquiry was attempting to remedy that precise situation, they say nothing.
  2. an email a friend sent me the other day about “farting strawberries” that continues to make me laugh out loud.
  3. how men can walk into the bathroom with a cup of coffee or other beverage in their hands and do their business. Even if they put the cup on the counter, who knows what kind of “spray” is floating around there. My office is across from the men’s room and I have offered my desk, etc…as a storage spot for beverages. Not nearly enough of them have taken me up on this offer.
  4. sometimes I think that I don’t express aspects of my personality and interest correctly. For example, I love to go to art shows, etc….but I think most people think I’m just a bar type gal.
  5. in addition to art, I also enjoy this immensely. If only I could roller skate and was at all a bad ass.
  6. I want attention from boys, but I don’t want to have to ask for it. Wait, correction, I want attention from certain boys.
  7. most people don’t get me. It’s not that I’m all complicated or anything, I think people just don’t know what to make of me a lot of the time. I guess it makes sense since I don’t know what to make of myself a lot of the time. Perhaps I need to find more folks who are willing to come along for the ride.
  8. There is a boy/man in my office whose hair I want to run my fingers through. In a meeting yesterday I could vividly imagine myself reaching across the table and doing just that. I even think my arm twitched a bit in an effort to move my imagination into reality.
  9. I can’t wait to move into my new place, but HATE packing.
  10. If I look just to the right of my monitor I see my Tim Gunn bobblehead and a chair that has one of my old bridesmaid dresses and a box with a broken piggy bank in it.
  11. My hair needs to be colored in the worst way.
  12. Everyone keeps coming in and “borrowing” my flavored coffee creamer. Whatever.
  13. There is a member of my family who is dying. This person has done terrible things and has pretty much ruined a segment of my family. However, they have recreated themselves for people who don’t know the “other stuff” and those people are completely devastated at the idea of the loss. I feel bad for the people who are able to live in ignorant bliss about this person.
  14. I miss my girlfriends in Cali. like crazy. Recently I’ve just wished it was like 9 years ago and we were all ruling the music department at a So Cal Borders with caustic wit and more estrogen then you can shake a stick at. The best part is that, even though we don’t see each other very often (and I see them the least of all) I know that they will always have my back and I will always have theirs.
  15. I really wish the damn IT guy would come load iTunes on my computer!!!!
  16. cupcakes again……
  17. my dog
  18. how my March madness bracket could have gone SO badly. However, not badly enough for me to be in last place in the work pool, where I would at LEAST get my $10 back!

Ok–that’s all. My mind has just stopped suddenly. I will now go watch the clock countdown until I will leave the office and go to the bar to play some trivia and drink some vodka…..but seriously, I do like art 🙂

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R.I.P

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So, I’m not one to get wrapped up in celebrities. Who am I kidding? I spend endless hours reading gossip blogs and keeping up with the goings on of random people I don’t know and, for the most part, have no desire to know. However, there are a select few who stray from the “time wasting celebrity idiots” category into the “talented people that I admire and enjoy knowing are on the planet” category. Heath Ledger was definitely someone I enjoyed knowing was on the planet.

Today, at the age of 28, he ceased being on the planet….well, I suppose that would be up for debate, but I’m not in the mood. He died, naked, surrounded by pills in an apartment owned by Mary-Kate Olsen on Broome St….my favorite street in SoHo.*** He died before he got a massage. He died before the new Batman movie, with him as the Joker, came out. He died before the vast majority of his talent could be shared with the world.

Before he was a gay cowboy, he was Patrick in 10 Things I Hate About You. A modern adaptation of “Taming of the Shrew” set in the scary confines of high school…sign me up! I LOVE that movie and I love his character in it, trouble to those who don’t know him, but caring and sweet to those who did. SWOON. If you’ve never seen the movie…check it out. That was were my love for Heath Ledger bloomed. In the interest of full disclosure, Heath Ledger was the spitting image of Brian, my first real love,the boy I dated in late High School/early College. I’m sure that helped my affection for him grow.

I saw pretty much all of his films. He never ceased to entertain me, make me cry or laugh or whatever emotion best suited the scene. His acting was solid and to try and draw a line of growth through his characters would be interesting. He never played the same character twice. Strung out druggy in “Candy” ( a film that was always hard to watch, but after today may prove impossible) to a knight from a ridiculous adaptation of “Canterbury Tales,” to a crazy surf shop owner in “Lords of Dogtown” to “Casanova” and Bob Dylan and his most well known roll, a gay cowboy.

His performance in “Brokeback Mountain” was one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever witnessed. Every action of that character was a struggle and the look on Heath’s face and the tone of his voice never let you forget it. In an interview about the film he said that “love can destroy you too. The love that this man had in his life destroyed him.” That was painfully evident in the film. Of the two main characters in that movie, Ennis (Ledger) was the most complex. He seemed to be fighting with everything in his world, and he never won.

I don’t doubt that Heath Ledger was a risk taker. He was once quoted as saying “I’m not good at future planning. I don’t plan at all. I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow. I don’t have a day planner and I don’t have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future.” Those are not the words of someone who is living or wants to live a quiet, slow life. There is a part of me that would love to know what part of the “now” he was living in when he took the pills that presumably took his life. I’m all for living in the now….but mostly because I want things to talk about in “future now.”

There is no “future now” for Heath Ledger and that saddens me. It saddens me more then the death of an actor should. Perhaps it was my desire to see where his career took him. To see what he looked like as an old man so I could know what Brian would have looked like had he not been killed in a motorcycle accident last year. Maybe I simply wanted to see an attractive man on the big screen who would take my breath away and always leave me wanting more. I guess the “leaving me wanting more” part is taken care of…..

***ok..so it wasn’t in MKO’s house. But it was on Broome street. I didn’t think anything so horrible could happen on such a wonderful street.

Christmas Music: the great debate

The other day I made a mix cd of my top holiday tunes and have been listening to it pretty much non-stop. I’ve read a bunch of the best and worst lists concerning this seasonal entertainment. I’ve gotten into heated discussions with friends and acquaintances about various songs merits and faults. It’s amazing how this genre that most claim to be completely annoyed by can conjure up such emotion. I guess it’s just that way this time of year…..

Here is my mix and my justification for each song.

Winter Wonderland, Johnny Mathis: My mother has worn out more copies of the Johnny Mathis Christmas record then I can even imagine. You know the one, he’s on a “snowy” scene with skis and such. I think circa mid- 1960s? It used to drive me nuts. Now it isn’t Christmas until I hear it, this song in particular. I used to think that “Parson Brown” was actually “parched and brown”—I lived in Oklahoma. Oklahoma in winter is parched and brown–on a good day. It’s just a good song….

Santa Baby, Eartha Kitt: First off, I like the Madonna version too. It’s a controversial stance, I know, but I am a child of the 80’s and Madonna is my gal. Eartha Kitt, where to start. I like the sex of this song. I like to imagine her singing it to a hot Santa (is there such a thing) in a sultry outfit and ultimately getting everything she asks for. One drunken evening the conversation turned to all the sexual allusions in the song—chimneys and such, but I won’t put you through all of that here.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, Brenda Lee: Argue with me about this one, I dare ya!

Mele Kalikimaka, Bing Crosby: Try to sing along with this and not smile. If you can do that, well, I don’t know what to say to you—there are some great anti-depressants out there, check ’em out. This song also rocks because you can “croon” to it and there is the bitching girl back up singers.

Last Christmas, Wham!: Did I mention I am a child of the 80’s? This song is so heartbreaking, you HAVE to love it. I had the biggest crush on George Michael when this song came out (shut up! he claims he was straight then) and I vividly remember being pissed at the idea that any woman would just give his heart away. Ahhh youth, before you know that giving your heart to anyone is the most dangerous thing to do ever.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas, Mindy Smith: This song tears me apart. I know that it came out during WWII and when I learned that, it killed me even more. This song played a pivotal role in an episode of Facts of Life when the girls somehow (the details are fuzzy) end up singing Christmas carols in a prison. Jo, who’s father had been in prison of course…bless her heart, remembers that his favorite song when he was in the joint was “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” This version by Mindy Smith is particularly poignant. Her voice has an intrinsic sadness that so works with this song.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Judy Garland: “Meet Me in St. Louis” is one of my favorite movies of all time. I used to watch it each year with my Grandma and just delight in young Judy Garland and the wonderful, but sad world portrayed in that movie. I SO wish that I had seen it a couple of weeks ago on the big screen at The Belcourt…..but alas, I celebrated my birthday a bit to hard the night before and slept all day. This song is so sincere and sweet and such a simple sentiment that is encompasses my desires for this holiday.

Christmastime is Here, Vince Guaraldi (vocal version): being born three weeks before Christmas, my first Christmas pictures are of a teeny tiny baby. One picture is of me with my first Snoopy doll. I got it from my Aunt Yip Yip…who wasn’t an aunt at all, but had been my mom’s roommate her first year in college. I received a Snoopy doll pretty much every year for MANY years. I carried that thing around with me everywhere so they got worn out pretty quick. The Charlie Brown Christmas special is the best, no comparison. This song is so sweet and sort of sad….like many Peanuts things. It’s gentleness and the young voices singing make for a lovely thing indeed.

Sleigh Ride, Johnny Mathis: see the above Johnny Mathis entry for the general gist of how this made the cut.  This song used to represent what I was sure Christmas time with a boy would be like.  I’ve never been on a sleigh ride, with a boy or not. Boys can be scarce around the holidays, many times it seems like relationships were “on a break” or there was some tragic fight right around Thanksgiving that would all be forgotten about December 29, when the prospect of not having a NYE date seemed horrible. Ahhhhh love.

Christmas Wrapping, The Waitresses:  I SWEAR, I am not scary 80’s obsessed girl!  I swear! This song ROCKS!  It’s silly and sassy. It shows that being a bit on the “bah humbug” side can be cool. It talks about a boy. What more do you want people?

Christmas in Hollis, Run-DMC: “It’s Christmas time in Hollis Queens. Mom’s cooking chicken and collared greens!” This is the penultimate in contemporary classics.  You can take your Josh Grobans and Michael Bubles and stick it….this is what I want from a Christmas song.  Rap when it wasn’t scary. Rhymes that talk nothing about bitches or Benjamins (well, sure Santa brings some dough…but there are no guns discussed in obtaining it)

Carol of the Bells, The Bird and The Bee: This version of this song, by a band that is a darling of influential radio station KCRW, doesn’t exhibit the gothic intensity that many versions do. There is something so cinematic about this song. The frenetic intensity and simple words make for a song that stands out. Please don’t get me started on the Mannheim Steamroller version…I CAN’T STAND IT!!!

Blue Christmas, Elvis: I’m sensing a sort of theme here….lots of sad Christmas songs.  This song is perfect. Elvis sings the hell out of it. The lyrics are simple and to the point. Holiday loneliness as a theme, long before Dr. Phil, etc. got a hold of it.

Baby, it’s Cold Outside, Dean Martin: I used to have a friend who HATED this song. He had no concept of the wonderful flirtation that was going on. He had no patience for how the two folks in the song just wouldn’t part ways. Ahhh, silly boy. This song ROCKS.  I love that point in an evening when you know you should leave but would love for him to ask you to stay and the push and pull of the conversation weakens you until you are looking for any reason to stay.  You always stay and if there is that much discussion about you staying, it is usually a VERY GOOD decision.

All I Want for Christmas is You, Mariah Carey: The cover of the CD this song is on makes me want to vomit. When I worked in a music store I HATED having to deal with it. Mariah before she got slutty and sad, but was trying a little to hard to be sexy…..and failing.  That being said, this song is catchy, fun, flirty and good. I’m not proud of it’s inclusion here, but I stand by it.

The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late), Alvin and the Chipmunks: From year to year, my ideas on this song go between wanting to poke my ear drums out when I hear it and loving it.  This year is a “loving it” year.  It’s SO DAMN cute and silly and I remember my parents hating it, which made me love it even more.

Same Old Lang Syne, Dan Fogelberg: Not really a Christmas song, I know.  Dan Fogelberg passed away the day I made this mix. I have ALWAYS loved this song. Yes, I like soft rock, what of it? This song seemed like a good ending to the mix and I LOVE the idea of running into an old boyfriend randomly…well, not all of them, but you know what I mean.  I also like to drink beer in the car.

So there it is, my mix.  In no way shape or form does this mix make me seem cool.  I could toss in some Ramones or Vandals or Kirsty MacColl & the Pogues…all of which I like. But Christmas to me isn’t about being cool, it’s about the familiar and the soothing and the things that make me happy.

A Brief Accounting

Here is a brief list of my faults, issues, and confessions. There is no way in the universe that I would ever be able to list all of them, but here are the ones that seem to be causing me the most trauma lately.

  • I fear commitment
  • I fear being lonely
  • I like the wrong boys for the wrong reasons
  • I have big pores
  • I have a tendency to want people to like me so much that I don’t actually let them get to know the “real” me
  • I feel too much
  • I think too much
  • I eat chips and dip for breakfast sometimes
  • I don’t always brush my teeth twice a day
  • I wear my contacts for days on end when I am not supposed to
  • I love my pets too much
  • I REALLY love my dog too much
  • I’m self-centered
  • I can be self-destructive
  • I take insults well
  • I take compliments horribly
  • I don’t speak up for injustice because I still believe that people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time
  • I have no tolerance for stupidity
  • When people say “Do what?” instead of “pardon me” “what was that?” or even “huh?” I want to scream
  • I bite my fingernails
  • I don’t like to clean my kitchen
  • I rarely put away my laundry
  • My good intentions outnumber my good deeds exponentially
  • I expect return phone calls
  • I have no problem sleeping with someone on the first date
  • I have dozens of pairs of shoes and handbags
  • There are 5 handbags in my possession that I have never used
  • I let my dog kiss me on the mouth (mouth closed!)
  • I’m easily entertained
  • I’m easily discouraged
  • I start lots of things that I never finish
  • I get ridiculously happy in the presence of musicians
  • I fear clowns, little people and lawn work
  • I put on a brave face when I want to cry
  • I spent so much of my life trying to not talk too loud that I now get accused of talking too softly
  • I sleep in my clothes more often then anyone with an actual home and actual pajamas should
  • I still believe in fairytales
  • If it wouldn’t make me sick I would only eat appetizers and desserts and only drink Tropicana Light Lemonade or Vodka Tonics
  • I like to get drunk….even if I sometimes fall down
  • I have a list of boys that I want to “lick from head to toe”–it’s a VERY short list and easier to get off then get on
  • I have a freakishly short tongue
  • Sometimes I would rather sit at home alone on Saturday night then go out with actual people
  • If I stay at home alone on Saturday night instead of going out with actual people, I will be pissed at myself about it on Sunday
  • I still draw on myself from time to time, but now I call it “tattoo research”
  • I want better cleavage
  • I rarely make my bed
  • I can’t find the right lipstick color
  • I need something to wear to the agency anniversary party
  • I’m more excited about the open bar at the anniversary party than Ricky Skaggs performing
  • I need a date to the anniversary party—ok, I don’t NEED one, I want one, one particular one.
  • I obsess over boys
  • I quote song lyrics a LOT!
  • I have an oral fixation
  • I want to go canoeing again, with pretty much the same exact people and a whole bucket full of new knowledge
  • I need new panties
  • I have bouts of insomnia and bouts of “whatever you call it when all you do is sleep, but not because you are depressed or physically exhausted”
  • I’m not participating in “Hands on Nashville Day” because I don’t want to be too tired to raise hell with my buddies Reckless Kelly that night
  • I still haven’t finished Harry Potter book 4 and it’s making me want to abandon the series all together
  • I’m tired of listing my faults

Random randomness

My mind doesn’t seem to be able to hold on to thoughts for very long these days. I want to blame the Venti Non-fat Cinnamon Dolce Latte I had today, or the less then pleasant experiences of the past couple of weeks, or planetary alignment. But, I know, in my heart of hearts, that it is just how I get sometimes (although all of the previously mentioned things can’t be helping) When faced with this kind of “mood” I like to make lists. Here is a list of the things that are on heavy rotation in my brain right now:

  • I need to get out of town and go somewhere new FAST!  Barbados, Paris (France, Texas OR Tennessee would be fine) Boston, Frankort KY, wherever….just somewhere I’ve never been.
  • I need to make out with a boy. Soon. I have some people in mind. Is it a sign of a good kisser when you haven’t kissed someone in months, but you can close your eyes and go right back to that last kiss and it makes your stomach flip and your lips tingle?
  • The “Rockstar Casual” dress code for the upcoming agency anniversary party has me stumped.  There is a part of me that wants to go super fabulous, but then again, how much attention do I want?  I WILL be wearing fake eyelashes and some sweet shoes…the rest is a mystery.
  • I have ideas for a few paintings, but I can’t seem to get my happy ass to the art supply store to get canvas.  WTF?
  • Book 4 of Harry Potter is still haunting me. Haunting me because I haven’t finished it.  I think I will go buy books 5 & 6 tonight as inspiration.
  • My cough is still lingering. It’s not as bad and is a totally different cough then it had been, but still annoying.
  • I worry about the holidays this year…I think it will be hard for my Dad.
  • My house needs to be cleaned. Parts are clean, but for the life of me, I don’t seem to be able to get the whole thing clean at the same time!
  • Karl Dean is the new mayor of Nashville. While he would be my second choice, I can’t say anything since I didn’t vote. And NO my first choice was NOT Bob Clement!
  • It is finally nice outside. It was actually COOL outside this morning. I left the windows open last night…..YIPPEEE!
  • I miss my Grandma at odd times. The picture I have of her on my desk makes me smile….and then frown.
  • My job no longer feels like my “new” job. I feel at home here, happy here, appreciated here. Things are good in my career world…..something that was not even close to true a year ago this time.
  • Two weeks from Saturday is the Reckless Kelly show….and I CANNOT WAIT!!!  I love those boys so much and always have so much fun with them I can’t stand it!
  • Mindy Smith’s song “Peace of Mind” is a song I can relate to completely. There isn’t a thought or word in it that doesn’t ring true for me most of the time. I love her and all her craziness!!
  • I’m so excited to be going to Peter’s for sushi tonight.  My mouth waters at the thought. YUMMMMM.
  • The issue of sexuality has been on my mind a lot lately. I truly believe that we are born either hetero or homosexual—or bi-sexual (but I think that happens much less then some would lead you to believe) To think that someone would CHOOSE to be attracted to a particular gender is silly. All of the gay people I know remember being young and being attracted to the same gender. They also remember it being wrong. That makes me sad. How can a societal attitude permeate so strongly that even before it’s ever really discussed, a person can feel “wrong” about how they feel about something, ANYTHING.
  • I need new panties!
  • I have decided on my next tattoo and I want it NOW! I wonder how people will react to it at work, but I don’t think it will be bad.

Well, I guess that is all for now. I already feel more focused now that I’ve cleaned my mind of those thoughts.  They are still in there…but a bit more organized and laid back now.

Britney, Britney, Britney

Oh dear.

I just watched the opening of the MTV VMAs and our poor little Britney’s “comeback” performance. First off, the song SUCKS!  Can’t dance to it, it has no catchy hook.  JUST PLAIN BAD! Perhaps that is why Britney looked like the loser at a amateur drag show up there? Ok, I should be so lucky to have her body, but you know what, I don’t wear bikinis on stage in front of millions for my work.  If I did, even with MY body, I would make attempts to “suck it in.” Bless her heart.  Then the “dancing”–well, it is well documented that Whitney Houston can’t dance so she would just walk around and do sort of “dancy” moves.  I think Britney is now looking up to her partner in rhyme, Whitney.  She walked around looking dazed with no sense of the beat. She didn’t even try to really lip sync as the song moved on.

Yet another car wreck in the life of Britney Spears.  I will admit that I’ve always had a soft spot for her. She used to be so cute and coquettish, now she’s just sort of sad. Her train wreck of a life isn’t even interesting, it’s disturbing.

I blame K-Fed.

Empire Records

I watched the movie Empire Records last night on the groovy Netflix “Watch it now” thing. Pretty nifty and made it so I didn’t have to dig out my VHS of this movie. I love this movie. It’s silly and overblown, etc….but it makes me happy. It reminds me of my days in the retail world and the craziness of the music department at ol Border #86…GOOD TIMES!

I found a quiz to see which Empire Records character I am, here are my results:

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She’s Crafty

Well, he’s probably my fave character of the movie, but I don’t know that I relate to him that much. Then again, I’ve always had a thing for Rory Cochran, especially in Dazed and Confused.

That’s pretty much the excitement of my weekend.  I got caught in the rain at the grocery store, I tend to think getting caught in the rain is a lucky thing, so I have high hopes for the week 🙂

Grrrrrrrr

OK…I recently got into “Ugly Betty” and ever since seeing “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” have loved America Ferrera. I think she is BEAUTIFUL and funny and comfortable in her body. 

I was reading Perez Hilton–shut up, I love me some gossip–and came across this POORLY photoshopped image:

First ever “Figure Flattery Issue” huh? Why do her arms look like Stretch Armstrong’s?  Her whole shape is just wrong!!!!! She is a healthy girl, not stick figure skinny, but not overweight. She has curves. Her bones would not impale you were you to hug her. WTF Glamour????? My subscription ran out a month or so ago and this cover guarantees that it will not be renewed.

EWWWWWWWW.

If you’re going to photoshop someone….at least do a good job. Smooth out the skintones, emphasize some cleavage. Don’t remove the curves dammit. JUST DON’T DO IT!  OK, I’m so irritated that I can no longer be at all creative with my words.

Poop on you Glamour. POOP ON YOU!