Random randomness

My mind doesn’t seem to be able to hold on to thoughts for very long these days. I want to blame the Venti Non-fat Cinnamon Dolce Latte I had today, or the less then pleasant experiences of the past couple of weeks, or planetary alignment. But, I know, in my heart of hearts, that it is just how I get sometimes (although all of the previously mentioned things can’t be helping) When faced with this kind of “mood” I like to make lists. Here is a list of the things that are on heavy rotation in my brain right now:

  • I need to get out of town and go somewhere new FAST!  Barbados, Paris (France, Texas OR Tennessee would be fine) Boston, Frankort KY, wherever….just somewhere I’ve never been.
  • I need to make out with a boy. Soon. I have some people in mind. Is it a sign of a good kisser when you haven’t kissed someone in months, but you can close your eyes and go right back to that last kiss and it makes your stomach flip and your lips tingle?
  • The “Rockstar Casual” dress code for the upcoming agency anniversary party has me stumped.  There is a part of me that wants to go super fabulous, but then again, how much attention do I want?  I WILL be wearing fake eyelashes and some sweet shoes…the rest is a mystery.
  • I have ideas for a few paintings, but I can’t seem to get my happy ass to the art supply store to get canvas.  WTF?
  • Book 4 of Harry Potter is still haunting me. Haunting me because I haven’t finished it.  I think I will go buy books 5 & 6 tonight as inspiration.
  • My cough is still lingering. It’s not as bad and is a totally different cough then it had been, but still annoying.
  • I worry about the holidays this year…I think it will be hard for my Dad.
  • My house needs to be cleaned. Parts are clean, but for the life of me, I don’t seem to be able to get the whole thing clean at the same time!
  • Karl Dean is the new mayor of Nashville. While he would be my second choice, I can’t say anything since I didn’t vote. And NO my first choice was NOT Bob Clement!
  • It is finally nice outside. It was actually COOL outside this morning. I left the windows open last night…..YIPPEEE!
  • I miss my Grandma at odd times. The picture I have of her on my desk makes me smile….and then frown.
  • My job no longer feels like my “new” job. I feel at home here, happy here, appreciated here. Things are good in my career world…..something that was not even close to true a year ago this time.
  • Two weeks from Saturday is the Reckless Kelly show….and I CANNOT WAIT!!!  I love those boys so much and always have so much fun with them I can’t stand it!
  • Mindy Smith’s song “Peace of Mind” is a song I can relate to completely. There isn’t a thought or word in it that doesn’t ring true for me most of the time. I love her and all her craziness!!
  • I’m so excited to be going to Peter’s for sushi tonight.  My mouth waters at the thought. YUMMMMM.
  • The issue of sexuality has been on my mind a lot lately. I truly believe that we are born either hetero or homosexual—or bi-sexual (but I think that happens much less then some would lead you to believe) To think that someone would CHOOSE to be attracted to a particular gender is silly. All of the gay people I know remember being young and being attracted to the same gender. They also remember it being wrong. That makes me sad. How can a societal attitude permeate so strongly that even before it’s ever really discussed, a person can feel “wrong” about how they feel about something, ANYTHING.
  • I need new panties!
  • I have decided on my next tattoo and I want it NOW! I wonder how people will react to it at work, but I don’t think it will be bad.

Well, I guess that is all for now. I already feel more focused now that I’ve cleaned my mind of those thoughts.  They are still in there…but a bit more organized and laid back now.

words

I am a lover of words. Under most circumstances, I am verbose to say the least. There are, however, days and times and situations where I have no words. Today falls into that category. I still look for comfort in words, today I found comfort in the loving words of my friends and co-workers and, of course, song lyrics.

This is a haunting song that is either totally depressing or hopeful, I can’t decide. Either way, it helped me today.

Breathe Me: Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Brick

It must be stated that I LOVE Ben Folds, with or without the Five.

“Brick” just shuffled up on my iPod.

A heart wrenching song.

It took me back to my days working in the music dept. at a large book store.  We got to choose the music that played overhead and I played ‘Whatever & Ever Amen” at LEAST once a day. The timing of “Brick” getting radio airplay happened to coincide with a co-worker of mine pretty much living the story of the song. He came up to me one day and asked if I understood what the song was about. I said yes and then he asked me if he understood how that was SO his life?

It dawned on me then that there is a collective subconscious in the world and things like movies and songs and books show up in your life exactly when you need them. 

I asked this fine fella if he wanted me to stop playing the CD so much and he said “Hell no! You playing it makes me understand that I’m not alone in this situation and that helps.”  That’s right, a piano playing, glasses wearing, geek chic musician from the South was helping my sweet little friend in Southern California and all was going to be alright with the world.

Anyone want to ask me again why I like music?

AHC Day 16!

This morning, when I got into my no longer over heating car–THANK YOU JOHNNY @ AMERICAN AUTOCARE!!–the frist song I heard was “Heavenly Day” by Patty Griffin.

If that song doesn’t make you happy, well, that sucks for you.  It’s one of my favorite songs of all time and I have had multiple dreams where it was the song at my wedding.  One involved me marrying two brothers…..but that’s a story for another day.

Oh heavenly day, all the clouds blew away
Got no trouble today with anyone
The smile on your face I live only to see
It’s enough for me, baby, it’s enough for me
Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Tomorrow may rain with sorrow
Here’s a little time we can borrow
Forget all our troubles in these moments so few
All we’ve got right now, the only thing that
All we really have to do
Is have ourselves a heavenly day
Lay here and watch the trees sway
Oh, can’t see no other way, no way, no way
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

No one at my shoulder bringing me fears
Got no clouds up above me bringing me tears
Got nothing to tell you, I’ve got nothing much to say
Only I’m glad to be here with you
On this heavenly, heavenly, heavenly, heavenly
Heavenly day, all the trouble’s gone away
Oh, for a while anyway, for a while anyway
Heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day

Deep sigh…..

AHC Day 10!

I’m all about the band Stars these days.  Their music is theatrical and lyrical and smart.  All good things in my book.  This song, while seemingly a downer, makes me happy.  I’m all about the songs that acknowledge the hurt and sadness, but still have some hope.

I’m a sap.

I have also succumbed to the river disease I’ve been fighting all week and am convinced I have a fever.  Nope, not happy about that, but feel it should be noted.

AHC Day 8

Sometimes all you need is a rousing song from a Broadway musical to make ya happy.  Well, at least I do. Yet another reason gay boys love me.

“Defying Gravity” from Wicked just shuffled up on my iPod and it’s simply lovely.

 Come on now:

Ev’ryone deserves the chance to fly
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free

Listen to that an try to NOT be happy.  Seriously.

Yes, I saw this show on Broadway and it was one of the most wonderful things I have ever witnessed. Once Harry Potter is done, I’m reading the book.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Seven years ago today I became an official resident of Nashville.  I moved into my little apartment with only a bed, a TV, a stereo, 2,000 CDs, an air mattress and a lawn chair.  It was the scariest and most exciting thing I had ever done.  I had no job.  I knew no one.  I had enough money to live for about 2 months. The first few days were exciting.  The next couple of months were terrible.  Then I started to make friends. I had a job that was paying the bills nicely. I went out more–which is good since my apartment was way more ghetto then I had noticed moving in and the shootings and drug busts seemed to happen in the late evening and were all cleaned up by the time I got home.

I fell madly in love, not with a person, but with my city.  The place I had decided to make my home felt more like my home then any place I had ever lived.  The first time I flew back to L.A. I was almost sick at the thought of leaving.  I remember being at the Cleveland airport waiting for my connecting flight and the gate next to mine was a flight to Nashville and I just wanted to get on it and go home!  I missed my L.A. friends and my mom terribly….but it simply wasn’t home any more.

In the past 7 years I have laughed more and cried more and learned more then in the 26 years before. I have met the most amazing people. I have made the most wonderful friends.  I have stayed in touch with my L.A. friends (something I’m quite proud of!) and have even shown them the wonders of Nashville and they too, have quite a crush on this city of mine. I am still dumbstruck at the natural beauty of this area. 

I  love the creativity that seems to permeate the air. I love the fact that on Sundays, it feels like a very small town, it’s so quiet and slow and lovely. I love the smell right after a big thunderstorm. I love the smell of the air when you cross the state lines (the air in Tennessee is just sweeter…I don’t know why!) I love that I can eat corn nuggets at a meat and three and thai food on the same day. I love sitting in Centennial park and reading. I love seeing indie movies at the Belcourt and drinking fair trade coffee at Fido. I love knowing that macaroni and cheese is a vegetable and that sushi is great fried.  I love to sit on the patio at Jackson’s and drink vodka tonics with my friends AND my dog. I love the country boys in pick-ups and the rocker boys in black. I love popsicles from Las Paletas and sweet potato fries from Bobbie’s Dairy Dip.  I love that I “rescued” all three of my pets…..but I know that they actually rescued me. I love Thirsty Thursday at Greer Stadium. I love being able to hear the cannon when the Titans score a touchdown. I love hearing a song on the radio and know that the artist was at the table next to me the night before. I love being an 8 hour drive away from Chicago. I love being a half hour drive from the middle of nowhere. I love tomatoes in late July and shephard’s pie at Family Wash in late January. I love being able to walk into Corner Bar and have my drink ready for me before I sit down. I love that we now have a Sephora AND multiple places to get good fish tacos. I love pupusas at Las Americas and the accessories at Pangea. Really, the list goes on and on and on……

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years.  Somedays it feels like I just got here and other days it feels like I’ve lived here my whole life.  I’ve had a pretty transient life, but I now know that I have found my home and that is a very re-assuring fact.

Musical Insanity

So, my eMusic downloads reset so I had 50 songs to choose. They had the new Josh Rouse (can’t wait to listen to that as I LOVE LOVE LOVE him!), an advance of the new Stars record (yes I still call them records!)–I’ve been obsessed with them lately, filled out my Flogging Molly collection, found a crazy compilation of pop punk bands doing 80’s songs (FUN!) the Frank Black greatest hits was a lovely find and I even dipped my toe into the world of the Avett Brothers. All this downloading made me think of some things I have on CD that are missing from my iPod.

I have over 1,000 cds. Believe it or not, I’ve scaled my collection back quite a bit the last few years. I have been jonesing for some Wilco, but of course the case was empty (BAD ME!) then I realized I never put the Alana Davis “Blame it on Me” cd on my iPod. WTF Heather….that thing is wonderful beginning to end! Then I saw Outkast and had to get some of that in the mix for work. The final CD from my collection that is getting podded (I just made that word up!!!) is a collection of French Accordian music….don’t knock it, it’s like sitting at a sidewalk cafe (just without the great wine, bread, cheese, architecture, etc….)

That is an amuse bouche of the insanity that is my music collection. No rhyme or reason, just things that bring a smile to my face—which is a pretty accurate description of everything I surround myself with 🙂

blogette 8

I’m super sleepy today.

I blame the one cigarette I smoked. Why do I do that?

James Taylor keeps coming up on the iPod and for whatever reason his sincerity and sensitivity makes me want to shake him today. Less Than Jake…..now THAT’S more like it. I’m a testosterone junkie….I can’t help it.

It’s July 4th Eve, that means we get to see ONE firework, and one only.  I’m feeling more independent already.

That is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

blogette 4

I am really digging the new Arcade Fire CD.  “Keep the Car Running” is currently on the iPod and the repetitive back beat is awesome!

It kind of reminds me of some of the obscure British music I used to be in to in High School…..much more approachable then people give it credit for.  That’s ok, it makes me feel that much cooler.

That is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.