An Ode to Guy Clark

guyclark

Oh Guy Clark.

You wordsmith.

You craftsman.

You Texan.

A few years ago I went to a show at the Country Music Hall of Fame. They have an “artist in residence” series in the Ford Theater there. The place seats like 200 people and these amazing people play there once a week for a month….it’s one of the ways that Nashville IS Music City. One of the first people to be the “artist in residence” was Guy Clark.

I hate to admit it, but for most of my life I’ve taken Guy Clark for granted. His music has been a constant for me, and I didn’t even know it. So many hours on road trips listening to Jerry Jeff Walker cassettes with my dad and I didn’t even know how those words were permeating my being, let alone who wrote so many of them. I knew I liked any song that talked about vanilla wafers, but didn’t know of my fondness for the man who wrote them.

Upon getting immersed into the world of “Alt-country” or “Americana” or whatever you want to call it, Guy Clark is like one of the apostles.  While standing in the Georgia Theater in Athens GA selling CDs for a band I loved, “Desperadoes Waiting for a Train” came on and I just started singing it. I don’t recall hearing the song before, but I knew it and it knew me. The headliner of the show that night was from Texas and he happened to walk by while I was singing. He nodded at me and said “Ain’t nothing better then Guy Clark!” I nodded in agreement and made a mental note to find some more Guy Clark music ASAP.

A couple years after that fateful night I was in the Ford Theater. I have only fleeting memories of that evening because it was all simply TOO GOOD to take in. I know that Rodney Crowell performed (always a good thing) and that Guy called Vince Gill out of the crowd to join him onstage (also a good thing!). But the clearest memory I have is the feeling in my stomach when I heard him sing the opening lines to “Dublin Blues.”

I wish I was in Austin
In the Chili Parlour Bar
Drinkin’ Mad Dog Margaritas
And not carin’ where you are

My stomach dropped, in that horrible yet wonderful way it does when you are on a roller coaster.  Those 21 words encapsulated my general feelings that day more then any I could have come up with myself.  I looked at this man who is 15 days older then my father and fell madly in love. I’d heard the song countless times, but that night, sitting in that room, it was all different.

I have since seen Guy play a few different times and a few different places. I love to hear his stories about his home here in Nashville during the ’70s, which sounds like my dream scenario of a “Home for Wayward Musicians.” I love hearing the way he talks about his wife Susanna.  I long to own one of his handmade guitars because I am sure that it is built in such a way that even I could make beautiful music with it.

The life that Guy Clark writes about isn’t always easy and isn’t always fun, but it’s always good and it’s always the way it should be, whether we like it or not. His song “The Cape” in my opinion, distills his general theories on life in the following words:

He’s one of those who knows that life
Is just a leap of faith
Spread your arms and hold you breath
Always trust your cape

1guyclark

Lyrical Truth….

Nobody’s Girl                                                                                                                                        (W. Braun/ M. Braun)                                                                                                                             The first man that you ever loved
Left your mamma, never said goodbye to anyone
And you were raised with your head held high
But any fool can see it’s just a clever disguise

You’re nobody’s baby
You’re nobody’s darlin’
You’re nobody’s girl

You’ve always been a little scared to open your heart
And you never let anybody take it too far
You never let em’ on the inside
‘Cause you’re always scared of getting taken for a ride

You’re nobody’s baby
You’re nobody’s darlin’
You’re nobody’s girl

Everybody wants you but you don’t wanna care
So you keep em’ at a distance with the frown you wear
You spend your time trying to even the score
And you’ve got it in your head you deserve a lot more
The first one was a total disaster
So was the second one and every one after
But when you’re breaking in a broken home
You’re gonna be sure to spend some nights on your own

When you’re nobody’s baby
You’re nobody’s darlin’
You’re nobody’s girl
You’re nobody’s baby
You’re nobody’s darlin’
You’re nobody’s girl
You’re nobody’s girl

This is one of my favorite songs by my favorite band. It has been suggested that this is MY song and perfectly explains me. No amount of love for the band or the song can make that statement not suck.

This is a HORRIBLE song to have people think it about me. Sure, there are some similarities to situations in my life. Sure, most of my nights are spent in bed with a dog and two cats, not some hot fella. Of course, it has been expressed to me that I tend to keep folks at a distance, but I don’t frown that often!

Fine, this is SO my life. Again, the illustrious Braun brothers have insight to me without even knowing me. Now how do I change this?????

 

God Bless Reckless Kelly!

They’ve posted some preview tracks from their upcoming cd and I’ve been listening to them ALL DAY!

I can pretty safely say that they are my favorite band….and hopefully not sound like a teenager when I do so. To write tearful ballads, hard rocking songs and now a “topical” tune (American Blood) shows the extent of their talent. Seriously, just when I think they can get no better, they prove me wrong.

I look forward to a lifetime of them proving me wrong and cannot wait until June 24!!

If you want to be in the know go here. Just don’t tell the IT guy at my office I’ve been streaming all day 🙂

Christmas Music: the great debate

The other day I made a mix cd of my top holiday tunes and have been listening to it pretty much non-stop. I’ve read a bunch of the best and worst lists concerning this seasonal entertainment. I’ve gotten into heated discussions with friends and acquaintances about various songs merits and faults. It’s amazing how this genre that most claim to be completely annoyed by can conjure up such emotion. I guess it’s just that way this time of year…..

Here is my mix and my justification for each song.

Winter Wonderland, Johnny Mathis: My mother has worn out more copies of the Johnny Mathis Christmas record then I can even imagine. You know the one, he’s on a “snowy” scene with skis and such. I think circa mid- 1960s? It used to drive me nuts. Now it isn’t Christmas until I hear it, this song in particular. I used to think that “Parson Brown” was actually “parched and brown”—I lived in Oklahoma. Oklahoma in winter is parched and brown–on a good day. It’s just a good song….

Santa Baby, Eartha Kitt: First off, I like the Madonna version too. It’s a controversial stance, I know, but I am a child of the 80’s and Madonna is my gal. Eartha Kitt, where to start. I like the sex of this song. I like to imagine her singing it to a hot Santa (is there such a thing) in a sultry outfit and ultimately getting everything she asks for. One drunken evening the conversation turned to all the sexual allusions in the song—chimneys and such, but I won’t put you through all of that here.

Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, Brenda Lee: Argue with me about this one, I dare ya!

Mele Kalikimaka, Bing Crosby: Try to sing along with this and not smile. If you can do that, well, I don’t know what to say to you—there are some great anti-depressants out there, check ’em out. This song also rocks because you can “croon” to it and there is the bitching girl back up singers.

Last Christmas, Wham!: Did I mention I am a child of the 80’s? This song is so heartbreaking, you HAVE to love it. I had the biggest crush on George Michael when this song came out (shut up! he claims he was straight then) and I vividly remember being pissed at the idea that any woman would just give his heart away. Ahhh youth, before you know that giving your heart to anyone is the most dangerous thing to do ever.

I’ll Be Home for Christmas, Mindy Smith: This song tears me apart. I know that it came out during WWII and when I learned that, it killed me even more. This song played a pivotal role in an episode of Facts of Life when the girls somehow (the details are fuzzy) end up singing Christmas carols in a prison. Jo, who’s father had been in prison of course…bless her heart, remembers that his favorite song when he was in the joint was “I’ll Be Home for Christmas.” This version by Mindy Smith is particularly poignant. Her voice has an intrinsic sadness that so works with this song.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Judy Garland: “Meet Me in St. Louis” is one of my favorite movies of all time. I used to watch it each year with my Grandma and just delight in young Judy Garland and the wonderful, but sad world portrayed in that movie. I SO wish that I had seen it a couple of weeks ago on the big screen at The Belcourt…..but alas, I celebrated my birthday a bit to hard the night before and slept all day. This song is so sincere and sweet and such a simple sentiment that is encompasses my desires for this holiday.

Christmastime is Here, Vince Guaraldi (vocal version): being born three weeks before Christmas, my first Christmas pictures are of a teeny tiny baby. One picture is of me with my first Snoopy doll. I got it from my Aunt Yip Yip…who wasn’t an aunt at all, but had been my mom’s roommate her first year in college. I received a Snoopy doll pretty much every year for MANY years. I carried that thing around with me everywhere so they got worn out pretty quick. The Charlie Brown Christmas special is the best, no comparison. This song is so sweet and sort of sad….like many Peanuts things. It’s gentleness and the young voices singing make for a lovely thing indeed.

Sleigh Ride, Johnny Mathis: see the above Johnny Mathis entry for the general gist of how this made the cut.  This song used to represent what I was sure Christmas time with a boy would be like.  I’ve never been on a sleigh ride, with a boy or not. Boys can be scarce around the holidays, many times it seems like relationships were “on a break” or there was some tragic fight right around Thanksgiving that would all be forgotten about December 29, when the prospect of not having a NYE date seemed horrible. Ahhhhh love.

Christmas Wrapping, The Waitresses:  I SWEAR, I am not scary 80’s obsessed girl!  I swear! This song ROCKS!  It’s silly and sassy. It shows that being a bit on the “bah humbug” side can be cool. It talks about a boy. What more do you want people?

Christmas in Hollis, Run-DMC: “It’s Christmas time in Hollis Queens. Mom’s cooking chicken and collared greens!” This is the penultimate in contemporary classics.  You can take your Josh Grobans and Michael Bubles and stick it….this is what I want from a Christmas song.  Rap when it wasn’t scary. Rhymes that talk nothing about bitches or Benjamins (well, sure Santa brings some dough…but there are no guns discussed in obtaining it)

Carol of the Bells, The Bird and The Bee: This version of this song, by a band that is a darling of influential radio station KCRW, doesn’t exhibit the gothic intensity that many versions do. There is something so cinematic about this song. The frenetic intensity and simple words make for a song that stands out. Please don’t get me started on the Mannheim Steamroller version…I CAN’T STAND IT!!!

Blue Christmas, Elvis: I’m sensing a sort of theme here….lots of sad Christmas songs.  This song is perfect. Elvis sings the hell out of it. The lyrics are simple and to the point. Holiday loneliness as a theme, long before Dr. Phil, etc. got a hold of it.

Baby, it’s Cold Outside, Dean Martin: I used to have a friend who HATED this song. He had no concept of the wonderful flirtation that was going on. He had no patience for how the two folks in the song just wouldn’t part ways. Ahhh, silly boy. This song ROCKS.  I love that point in an evening when you know you should leave but would love for him to ask you to stay and the push and pull of the conversation weakens you until you are looking for any reason to stay.  You always stay and if there is that much discussion about you staying, it is usually a VERY GOOD decision.

All I Want for Christmas is You, Mariah Carey: The cover of the CD this song is on makes me want to vomit. When I worked in a music store I HATED having to deal with it. Mariah before she got slutty and sad, but was trying a little to hard to be sexy…..and failing.  That being said, this song is catchy, fun, flirty and good. I’m not proud of it’s inclusion here, but I stand by it.

The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late), Alvin and the Chipmunks: From year to year, my ideas on this song go between wanting to poke my ear drums out when I hear it and loving it.  This year is a “loving it” year.  It’s SO DAMN cute and silly and I remember my parents hating it, which made me love it even more.

Same Old Lang Syne, Dan Fogelberg: Not really a Christmas song, I know.  Dan Fogelberg passed away the day I made this mix. I have ALWAYS loved this song. Yes, I like soft rock, what of it? This song seemed like a good ending to the mix and I LOVE the idea of running into an old boyfriend randomly…well, not all of them, but you know what I mean.  I also like to drink beer in the car.

So there it is, my mix.  In no way shape or form does this mix make me seem cool.  I could toss in some Ramones or Vandals or Kirsty MacColl & the Pogues…all of which I like. But Christmas to me isn’t about being cool, it’s about the familiar and the soothing and the things that make me happy.

Bye, bye Miss American Pie

“because fire is the devil’s only friend”

To those who may be worried, this is not about Don McLean, the devil or even that guilty pleasure of a movie, “American Pie.”

See, I lived in Southern California from 1985-2000.  Some formative years in my life, let me tell ya.  As I watch the coverage of the fires out there, my heart is breaking.  I stayed up all night last night, with small fits of sleep, watching wall to wall coverage of the fires on CNN. So many familiar places, even the familiar name and face of a high school friend’s brother who is now a Public Information Officer for the LA County Fire Department.

I hear them talk about Malibu and I remember a friend and I jumping into my 1970 red VW bug and driving up there to see what all the fuss was about and to give us time to smoke our beloved Salem Menthols. I think of driving along the Malibu coast and trying to escape whatever was plaguing my mind with thoughts of living in those huge houses on the cliffs and along the beach.  I wonder how many of those houses are now damaged.

I see the fires in San Diego county and I just stare. I stare at the places that are on fire, places where I spent lots of my wasted youth, well, wasting my youth.  San Diego was always this complete oasis that was only 2 hours down Pacific Coast Highway.  Lots of boys, lots of trouble to get into, lots to do…and at one time or another, I probably did it all. Now I hear of these places not as recreation spots, but as refugee shelters for people who may or may not have a place to go home to. There is talk of the San Diego fires just burning until they hit the beach.  With all the development, there is still plenty of green areas left in SD and those areas may fuel this monster and  put in peril the little beach cities that I love so much.

Even if you aren’t specifically threatened by the fires, you are effected.  My mom is having horrible respiratory problems.  Her car is covered with soot. The sky at her house is an eerie yellow. She says it smells like she’s in the middle of a big campfire.  She is a good 40 miles from the closest fires and is near the beach, but does that matter with these fires?  She works for the city she lives in and a large portion of their fire department is out helping other departments try to reign this thing in.  However, they can’t help but wonder if those guys can make it home in time should the large peninsula right by their home town should go up in flames….which is entirely possible at this point.  

The last couple of days here in Nashville have been pretty dreary. Rainy and cool and not too motivational to anyone.  But as I was sitting at lunch, lamenting the fact that I wasn’t at home on the couch reading and enjoying this weather, I stopped and realized that at least I have a couch to go home to tonight and I tried with all my might to make the rain take a hard turn West and not stop until it reaches the ocean.  I figure it can’t hurt.

Once

I just got home from seeing the movie Once . If any of the following things ring true to you, RUN to see this movie, drive a couple of hours if you have to:

  • You are a sucker for a musician
  • Stories of unrequited love speak to you
  • Irish accents, even when impossible to understand, make you smile
  • The process of making music might as well be magic
  • You never give up hope
  • You want to bring happiness to people, even if it isn’t in the exact way YOU would like them to be happy

Seriously, I LOVED this movie. If I had seen this on a date, I can’t even imagine how the rest of the night had been, but I guarantee I wouldn’t be writing this right now. I saw it with my Dad. He paid AND bought me killer chicken fingers afterwards. He liked the movie OK, but wasn’t as enamored as I was. He was irritated that a movie so focused on music had three basic songs that were played over and over. I get that. Life is like that, three songs, played over and over, each time the words take on new meanings and importance. I SO get it. There is also the aspect of unrequited love and words unspoken. The male lead kind of throws it all out on the table early on in the movie, but it’s out of a kind of desperation, a desperation you feel when you first meet someone and they make you happier then you have been in awhile and you might say things because you fear you will never get another chance to say them. It’s an honest desperation. As the film progresses, he says less and less in words, but the desperation never leaves. It starts to invade the movie-goer’s stomach and draws you even further into this simple, sweet, complicated story.

I can’t even begin to go into how much I enjoyed this film and how it seemed to take over my being while I was watching it. I can, however, discuss how it made me think about some things in my life, mostly (this is a big shocker) boys.

Things I wish I hadn’t done (situations that involved boys I’ve liked only) :

  • A dubious (drunken) hook-up with someone that I knew better then to hook up with
  • Getting so drunk in front of them that I could not stand up
  • Being the first to pull away when we hug
  • Drunken texts (um–I’m sensing a pattern here–perhaps my issues are with alcohol more then boys)
  • Slinking out after a night of sharing the same bed (totally platonicly) when they  snuggled up to me
  • Not realizing how wonderful a person they are  for so long

Things I want to say or do every time I see a boy I like (and know):

  • Hug them so long that my arms go numb
  • Bury my face in their neck and take in their smell
  • Tell them that I think that we have a lot of fun together and that we could have even more and know that this would be only an addition to our relationship
  • Not look away when they look at me in the eyes and I fear they can read my mind
  • Be myself, silly and stupid and even smart sometimes and know that it won’t change they way they think of me in any way but a positive way
  • Grab their ass
  • Rub their shoulders
  • Put my hands on their face and just look at them
  • Countless other things that I won’t let myself do

The end of “Once” was quite ambiguous. I have already come up with about 10 scenarios as to what happened next. My life these days has been quite ambiguous also, but I have only a couple of good endings for that.

Viva La Reckless!

I would never be able to call any musician or band my absolute favorite…but if I had a gun to my head the first band that would come to mind (and would be pretty much as close to the truth as I could come to answering that question) would be Reckless Kelly.

My first time seeing them was at the dreaded Bluebird Cafe in Nashville.  A room where you can’t talk without being rudely “shushed” and where “rocking out” is not on the menu!  But it didn’t matter. I loved them about 2 minutes into the set. It doesn’t happen very often with me, to have an instant connection to a band that I have no real prior knowledge of.  But it happened that night.  I knew off the bat that these guys were the real deal. That they LOVED what they do.  That they have a good time with each other. That the lead singer is T-R-O-U-B-L-E!  All of this was before I even realized that there were brothers in the band. I am a sucker and a half for bands with brothers in them. Not sure why…but oy!  Those Braun genes got some good mojo and I was instantly a fan. That was in 2004.

2005 saw my love for them move into “superfan” world….sort of. They played a show on Feb. 13 here in Nashville at Third and Lindsley.  It was two days before “Wicked Twisted Road” was coming out, but I had already procured an advance copy.  Micky and the Motorcars (yet ANOTHER Braun brother band) opened and it was a much more rocking, much more “Reckless” show. If there was any question I was hooked…that question was answered when I came out of the ladies room, ran into Cody (whom I had briefly met earlier) and he gave me a hug and asked if I liked the show. Hugs from musicians are pretty much like crack to me.  Add to that the fact that he seemed to genuinely be concerned that I enjoyed the show and it was all over. I was Reckless to the core.

The rest of 2005 was amazing. I saw them 9 times in 5 different states. I got to know Cody better and meet the rest of the band.  I learned all their songs, even favorite covers. I made friends with other fans. It was great! Becoming a RK fan is like joining a family….it’s pretty amazing.

2006 wasn’t nearly as Reckless a year.  I only saw them play once, although it was THE show to be at, the live recording at La Zona Rosa.  I was in Austin for a total of 16 hours that trip. I ended up at the infamous “Shed” after the show where I stayed and had one of the best times of my life until about 5:45 AM when I had to go catch my flight home.  That year definitely goes into the “quality vs. quantity” world.

2007, in the life of me, opened with a bang. I got a new job, a new dog and an email from Cody that the band was coming through town on the way to a show and inviting me to hang out.  They did, I did, a GREAT time was had by all.  It wasn’t as wonderful as a show, but time with the Brauns is always good.  This brings us to this past weekend. It took them over 2 years, but those boys got themselves back to Nashville to play a show.  They were playing the Exit/In, a venue they had played countless times.  I got my tickets early, just in case and started counting the days. Once I was able to buy milk that had an expiration date after the date of the show I started getting REALLY excited.

Saturday night arrived and I could hardly contain myself.  As we’re waiting in line it was announced that the show is sold out!  While a part of me was thrilled and oh so proud, I was concerned about the friend I had with me who didn’t have a ticket.  Luckily the guy working the door likes me and he let her in.  Then the real excitement began.  The opener, Stoney LaRue, was good.  He even has the same mouth as the boy who has me twitterpated. But, unfortunately for him, he only represented an obstacle between me and my Reckless boys. His set ended and the torture truly began.

The period of time between the opener and their set was like excruciating foreplay.  You’re all hyped up and excited and feeling good, but dammit all to hell, you just want to get down to business. After maybe 40 minutes of this, on walked the band! For lack of a better word, and to keep with the metaphor of sex, the next two hours were like the best sex ever. The best sex ever with LOTS of orgasms! I didn’t care about the drunk girl next to me who looked like she was going to puke at any time. I didn’t care that I was sweating like a crazy person. I didn’t care about anything except those 5 boys on stage and the music they were making. I get completely mesmerized by them.

After the show I got to briefly hang out with Cody before my hunger and tiredness forced me to go home.  That time with him was like post-coital snuggling.  Lots of smiles and happy talking and praise for performance.  Promises that this needs to happen again, sooner rather then later, and lack of desire to leave each others presence.

When I finally woke up on Sunday, I was still smiling. My hair smelled of the smoke from the show and I wasn’t quite ready to get rid of it. I didn’t want to wash the stamp off my hand that had allowed me to drink. I didn’t want to forget any minute of the show. I wanted to live the night all over again.

I feel sorry for people who never feel this way about a band, or anything. An all encompassing thrill derived from watching someone doing what they love and supporting and appreciating every second of it.  I feel sorry for people who never know how much a band they loves appreciates them, let alone gets to hear it first hand. Mostly I feel sorry for me because I don’t know when my next Reckless Kelly show is going to be.

Not really, there’s no crying in Reckless-land!

VIVA LA RECKLESS!!!!!

A Brief Accounting

Here is a brief list of my faults, issues, and confessions. There is no way in the universe that I would ever be able to list all of them, but here are the ones that seem to be causing me the most trauma lately.

  • I fear commitment
  • I fear being lonely
  • I like the wrong boys for the wrong reasons
  • I have big pores
  • I have a tendency to want people to like me so much that I don’t actually let them get to know the “real” me
  • I feel too much
  • I think too much
  • I eat chips and dip for breakfast sometimes
  • I don’t always brush my teeth twice a day
  • I wear my contacts for days on end when I am not supposed to
  • I love my pets too much
  • I REALLY love my dog too much
  • I’m self-centered
  • I can be self-destructive
  • I take insults well
  • I take compliments horribly
  • I don’t speak up for injustice because I still believe that people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time
  • I have no tolerance for stupidity
  • When people say “Do what?” instead of “pardon me” “what was that?” or even “huh?” I want to scream
  • I bite my fingernails
  • I don’t like to clean my kitchen
  • I rarely put away my laundry
  • My good intentions outnumber my good deeds exponentially
  • I expect return phone calls
  • I have no problem sleeping with someone on the first date
  • I have dozens of pairs of shoes and handbags
  • There are 5 handbags in my possession that I have never used
  • I let my dog kiss me on the mouth (mouth closed!)
  • I’m easily entertained
  • I’m easily discouraged
  • I start lots of things that I never finish
  • I get ridiculously happy in the presence of musicians
  • I fear clowns, little people and lawn work
  • I put on a brave face when I want to cry
  • I spent so much of my life trying to not talk too loud that I now get accused of talking too softly
  • I sleep in my clothes more often then anyone with an actual home and actual pajamas should
  • I still believe in fairytales
  • If it wouldn’t make me sick I would only eat appetizers and desserts and only drink Tropicana Light Lemonade or Vodka Tonics
  • I like to get drunk….even if I sometimes fall down
  • I have a list of boys that I want to “lick from head to toe”–it’s a VERY short list and easier to get off then get on
  • I have a freakishly short tongue
  • Sometimes I would rather sit at home alone on Saturday night then go out with actual people
  • If I stay at home alone on Saturday night instead of going out with actual people, I will be pissed at myself about it on Sunday
  • I still draw on myself from time to time, but now I call it “tattoo research”
  • I want better cleavage
  • I rarely make my bed
  • I can’t find the right lipstick color
  • I need something to wear to the agency anniversary party
  • I’m more excited about the open bar at the anniversary party than Ricky Skaggs performing
  • I need a date to the anniversary party—ok, I don’t NEED one, I want one, one particular one.
  • I obsess over boys
  • I quote song lyrics a LOT!
  • I have an oral fixation
  • I want to go canoeing again, with pretty much the same exact people and a whole bucket full of new knowledge
  • I need new panties
  • I have bouts of insomnia and bouts of “whatever you call it when all you do is sleep, but not because you are depressed or physically exhausted”
  • I’m not participating in “Hands on Nashville Day” because I don’t want to be too tired to raise hell with my buddies Reckless Kelly that night
  • I still haven’t finished Harry Potter book 4 and it’s making me want to abandon the series all together
  • I’m tired of listing my faults

Random randomness

My mind doesn’t seem to be able to hold on to thoughts for very long these days. I want to blame the Venti Non-fat Cinnamon Dolce Latte I had today, or the less then pleasant experiences of the past couple of weeks, or planetary alignment. But, I know, in my heart of hearts, that it is just how I get sometimes (although all of the previously mentioned things can’t be helping) When faced with this kind of “mood” I like to make lists. Here is a list of the things that are on heavy rotation in my brain right now:

  • I need to get out of town and go somewhere new FAST!  Barbados, Paris (France, Texas OR Tennessee would be fine) Boston, Frankort KY, wherever….just somewhere I’ve never been.
  • I need to make out with a boy. Soon. I have some people in mind. Is it a sign of a good kisser when you haven’t kissed someone in months, but you can close your eyes and go right back to that last kiss and it makes your stomach flip and your lips tingle?
  • The “Rockstar Casual” dress code for the upcoming agency anniversary party has me stumped.  There is a part of me that wants to go super fabulous, but then again, how much attention do I want?  I WILL be wearing fake eyelashes and some sweet shoes…the rest is a mystery.
  • I have ideas for a few paintings, but I can’t seem to get my happy ass to the art supply store to get canvas.  WTF?
  • Book 4 of Harry Potter is still haunting me. Haunting me because I haven’t finished it.  I think I will go buy books 5 & 6 tonight as inspiration.
  • My cough is still lingering. It’s not as bad and is a totally different cough then it had been, but still annoying.
  • I worry about the holidays this year…I think it will be hard for my Dad.
  • My house needs to be cleaned. Parts are clean, but for the life of me, I don’t seem to be able to get the whole thing clean at the same time!
  • Karl Dean is the new mayor of Nashville. While he would be my second choice, I can’t say anything since I didn’t vote. And NO my first choice was NOT Bob Clement!
  • It is finally nice outside. It was actually COOL outside this morning. I left the windows open last night…..YIPPEEE!
  • I miss my Grandma at odd times. The picture I have of her on my desk makes me smile….and then frown.
  • My job no longer feels like my “new” job. I feel at home here, happy here, appreciated here. Things are good in my career world…..something that was not even close to true a year ago this time.
  • Two weeks from Saturday is the Reckless Kelly show….and I CANNOT WAIT!!!  I love those boys so much and always have so much fun with them I can’t stand it!
  • Mindy Smith’s song “Peace of Mind” is a song I can relate to completely. There isn’t a thought or word in it that doesn’t ring true for me most of the time. I love her and all her craziness!!
  • I’m so excited to be going to Peter’s for sushi tonight.  My mouth waters at the thought. YUMMMMM.
  • The issue of sexuality has been on my mind a lot lately. I truly believe that we are born either hetero or homosexual—or bi-sexual (but I think that happens much less then some would lead you to believe) To think that someone would CHOOSE to be attracted to a particular gender is silly. All of the gay people I know remember being young and being attracted to the same gender. They also remember it being wrong. That makes me sad. How can a societal attitude permeate so strongly that even before it’s ever really discussed, a person can feel “wrong” about how they feel about something, ANYTHING.
  • I need new panties!
  • I have decided on my next tattoo and I want it NOW! I wonder how people will react to it at work, but I don’t think it will be bad.

Well, I guess that is all for now. I already feel more focused now that I’ve cleaned my mind of those thoughts.  They are still in there…but a bit more organized and laid back now.

words

I am a lover of words. Under most circumstances, I am verbose to say the least. There are, however, days and times and situations where I have no words. Today falls into that category. I still look for comfort in words, today I found comfort in the loving words of my friends and co-workers and, of course, song lyrics.

This is a haunting song that is either totally depressing or hopeful, I can’t decide. Either way, it helped me today.

Breathe Me: Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me