A Brief Accounting

Here is a brief list of my faults, issues, and confessions. There is no way in the universe that I would ever be able to list all of them, but here are the ones that seem to be causing me the most trauma lately.

  • I fear commitment
  • I fear being lonely
  • I like the wrong boys for the wrong reasons
  • I have big pores
  • I have a tendency to want people to like me so much that I don’t actually let them get to know the “real” me
  • I feel too much
  • I think too much
  • I eat chips and dip for breakfast sometimes
  • I don’t always brush my teeth twice a day
  • I wear my contacts for days on end when I am not supposed to
  • I love my pets too much
  • I REALLY love my dog too much
  • I’m self-centered
  • I can be self-destructive
  • I take insults well
  • I take compliments horribly
  • I don’t speak up for injustice because I still believe that people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time
  • I have no tolerance for stupidity
  • When people say “Do what?” instead of “pardon me” “what was that?” or even “huh?” I want to scream
  • I bite my fingernails
  • I don’t like to clean my kitchen
  • I rarely put away my laundry
  • My good intentions outnumber my good deeds exponentially
  • I expect return phone calls
  • I have no problem sleeping with someone on the first date
  • I have dozens of pairs of shoes and handbags
  • There are 5 handbags in my possession that I have never used
  • I let my dog kiss me on the mouth (mouth closed!)
  • I’m easily entertained
  • I’m easily discouraged
  • I start lots of things that I never finish
  • I get ridiculously happy in the presence of musicians
  • I fear clowns, little people and lawn work
  • I put on a brave face when I want to cry
  • I spent so much of my life trying to not talk too loud that I now get accused of talking too softly
  • I sleep in my clothes more often then anyone with an actual home and actual pajamas should
  • I still believe in fairytales
  • If it wouldn’t make me sick I would only eat appetizers and desserts and only drink Tropicana Light Lemonade or Vodka Tonics
  • I like to get drunk….even if I sometimes fall down
  • I have a list of boys that I want to “lick from head to toe”–it’s a VERY short list and easier to get off then get on
  • I have a freakishly short tongue
  • Sometimes I would rather sit at home alone on Saturday night then go out with actual people
  • If I stay at home alone on Saturday night instead of going out with actual people, I will be pissed at myself about it on Sunday
  • I still draw on myself from time to time, but now I call it “tattoo research”
  • I want better cleavage
  • I rarely make my bed
  • I can’t find the right lipstick color
  • I need something to wear to the agency anniversary party
  • I’m more excited about the open bar at the anniversary party than Ricky Skaggs performing
  • I need a date to the anniversary party—ok, I don’t NEED one, I want one, one particular one.
  • I obsess over boys
  • I quote song lyrics a LOT!
  • I have an oral fixation
  • I want to go canoeing again, with pretty much the same exact people and a whole bucket full of new knowledge
  • I need new panties
  • I have bouts of insomnia and bouts of “whatever you call it when all you do is sleep, but not because you are depressed or physically exhausted”
  • I’m not participating in “Hands on Nashville Day” because I don’t want to be too tired to raise hell with my buddies Reckless Kelly that night
  • I still haven’t finished Harry Potter book 4 and it’s making me want to abandon the series all together
  • I’m tired of listing my faults

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Seven years ago today I became an official resident of Nashville.  I moved into my little apartment with only a bed, a TV, a stereo, 2,000 CDs, an air mattress and a lawn chair.  It was the scariest and most exciting thing I had ever done.  I had no job.  I knew no one.  I had enough money to live for about 2 months. The first few days were exciting.  The next couple of months were terrible.  Then I started to make friends. I had a job that was paying the bills nicely. I went out more–which is good since my apartment was way more ghetto then I had noticed moving in and the shootings and drug busts seemed to happen in the late evening and were all cleaned up by the time I got home.

I fell madly in love, not with a person, but with my city.  The place I had decided to make my home felt more like my home then any place I had ever lived.  The first time I flew back to L.A. I was almost sick at the thought of leaving.  I remember being at the Cleveland airport waiting for my connecting flight and the gate next to mine was a flight to Nashville and I just wanted to get on it and go home!  I missed my L.A. friends and my mom terribly….but it simply wasn’t home any more.

In the past 7 years I have laughed more and cried more and learned more then in the 26 years before. I have met the most amazing people. I have made the most wonderful friends.  I have stayed in touch with my L.A. friends (something I’m quite proud of!) and have even shown them the wonders of Nashville and they too, have quite a crush on this city of mine. I am still dumbstruck at the natural beauty of this area. 

I  love the creativity that seems to permeate the air. I love the fact that on Sundays, it feels like a very small town, it’s so quiet and slow and lovely. I love the smell right after a big thunderstorm. I love the smell of the air when you cross the state lines (the air in Tennessee is just sweeter…I don’t know why!) I love that I can eat corn nuggets at a meat and three and thai food on the same day. I love sitting in Centennial park and reading. I love seeing indie movies at the Belcourt and drinking fair trade coffee at Fido. I love knowing that macaroni and cheese is a vegetable and that sushi is great fried.  I love to sit on the patio at Jackson’s and drink vodka tonics with my friends AND my dog. I love the country boys in pick-ups and the rocker boys in black. I love popsicles from Las Paletas and sweet potato fries from Bobbie’s Dairy Dip.  I love that I “rescued” all three of my pets…..but I know that they actually rescued me. I love Thirsty Thursday at Greer Stadium. I love being able to hear the cannon when the Titans score a touchdown. I love hearing a song on the radio and know that the artist was at the table next to me the night before. I love being an 8 hour drive away from Chicago. I love being a half hour drive from the middle of nowhere. I love tomatoes in late July and shephard’s pie at Family Wash in late January. I love being able to walk into Corner Bar and have my drink ready for me before I sit down. I love that we now have a Sephora AND multiple places to get good fish tacos. I love pupusas at Las Americas and the accessories at Pangea. Really, the list goes on and on and on……

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years.  Somedays it feels like I just got here and other days it feels like I’ve lived here my whole life.  I’ve had a pretty transient life, but I now know that I have found my home and that is a very re-assuring fact.

The Weekend In Review

This weekend wasn’t a big exciting weekend…but it was a good weekend and I woke up smiling this morning….so that’s got to be something. 

Friday: Worked, well, sat at work and tried to figure out things to do to pass the time.  Sad, sad day on my time sheet as far as billable hours were concerned.  Half of the office was on vacation…even if there were things to be done, no one was there to do them.  Got new brakes on the Little Red Rocket…and I mean the whole nine yards, rotors, pads, and even wheel cylinders.  WOO HOO!  I can stop like all the other cars now.  Stopped at Target on the way home and got a sweet new flat iron (it was needed, new haircut+ cracked flat iron = need to new flat iron) and I got some Brita filters too (I know how to party AND hydrate).  The filters were on sale AND I got a $5 Target gift card that had a cute hologram of a puppy rolling over on it. I also got a cute flowered fabric purse I had had my eyes on for awhile that was 30% off.  Went home, watched some “What Not to Wear” and fell asleep on the couch.  Yeah, I’m a party girl, what can I say. 

Saturday: Was awoken by Noodle kisses.  Got up, walked him, took a shower and met Ear Injury at DSW for the beginning of what would be Shop-a-palooza 2007!  DSW was having their end of summer sale (don’t ask) and before Ear injury even got there, I had picked up 2 purses, both under $15 with retail prices of $85 and $150!  One was a b-day gift for my mom….she’ll love it.  Then I found the elusive dark brown flip flops I had been searching for.  Born’s also….for like $25!!!  YES!  We hit Old Navy , and we hit it HARD!  There were two shirts that I had wanted for awhile that were both on sale for $8.  I also got a cute babydoll sweater that can take me into fall and a little black dress that will ROCK once I get this tan in better order. Then we stopped at Target for a bit (got some cute earrings and a tasty beverage) before arriving at the mall.  We didn’t go THAT many places in the mall, but it seemed like we were there FOREVER!  After failing at our quest to get a pretzel—stupid directory—we both but ourselves off and went home.  We won’t even get into the crazy kiosk lady who was doing the full court press to get us to buy this nail buffer.  I wonder how that one thumbnail is looking……  I went home and passed out for 2 hours.  I was BEAT!  I think I pulled a muscle carrying all my packages, or it might have been the 38lb thing of kitty litter (where’s a boy when you need him!?)  After the nap I went to dinner with Pops, got my first pair of Crocs ( I LOVE THEM!) and we went to see Ratatouille.  That movie was really cute and, as most pixar things are, really well done.  I was so tired when I got home that I fell asleep on top of my covers, in my clothes, including my Crocs (which had been put on in response to the scary blisters I got from the super cute skimmers I had worn to dinner). I woke up Sunday am with my furry friends all around me, the kitchen and bedroom light on and fully clothed—and NOT hungover, interesting. 

Sunday: I was all rested from the previous day’s festivities and it wasn’t bloody hot outside, so Noodle and I hit the dog park.  There were a surprising number of dogs there for 9:30 on Sunday morning, or at least is surprised me.  I don’t see 9:30 Sunday morning outside of my house very often.  Noodle took off like a bolt of lightning when we got there and went to town.  Lots of butt sniffing and licking.  He ran with the pack for awhile, then started hitting up the other humans.  He loves the attention of humans. This big black dog kept running up and knocking Noodle over and rolling around with him.  Noodle was NOT amused.  He squealed and ran over to me every time.  Poor little Mama’s Boy!  Once he stopped running around, I decided to take his dirty butt home.  My normally white dog was now FILTHY!!!!  So we got home and he instantly got in the bath.  He was so worn out that he didn’t seem to mind the bath at all.  He even fell asleep while I was blow drying him.  Once he was all taken care of, I went to the pool.  No one was there.  I had the joint completely to myself.  I hopped on my hot pink floaty and read for awhile.  Then I got sleepy and decided to float, sleep and tan at the same time—I love to multi-task!  All was well and good until the heavens opened up and raindrops so big that they hurt started to pelt me.  I ran under a tree with all my stuff trying to decide if it was a 5 minute storm.  Once it thundered,  I decided it wasn’t.  I scurried into the house.  I opened the patio door to listen to the rain and fell asleep with Noodle and Kobe (Fergus was in his own bed) on the couch for a lovely Sunday afternoon nap.  Didn’t get much sun time, but I have Wednesday and all next weekend to make up for it. Went to dinner with my Pops at Las Palmas, then went home, did some laundry and called to see what was up with my internet (I had been unable to get online at home for 4 days…I had myspace withdrawls BIG TIME!) Come to find out, the ONE button I hadn’t touched in attempts to fix things myself was the magic button.  LAME! But all’s well that ends well.  I caught up on Mr. T’s life—got himself an iPhone, and responded to emails, etc…. Then I watched 4 “Gay Robot” clips on YouTube—which were really funny and went to bed, IN MY BED!!!

It’s dead at work this week, but that’s alright I guess.  Not sure how I’ll pass the time, but I’m sure I will.  Cheesecake Factory for a b-day tonight, pre-trivia.  Party tomorrow night.  Wednesday, lots of pool time….then who knows what for the rest of the week.  There better be some smooching with cute boys this week…..I’m just saying.

 

My subconscious sucks!

*****warning! I am a little bit tipsy and as a result VERY sensitive. come on in to my pity party….all are welcome!*****

So, I’ve been having all these weird thoughts about pregnancy, right. Well, turns out, one of my best friends, a girl I’ve known since first grade and love to death ,is pregnant. That’s right, I’m going to be an Auntie again. While, in general, I am thrilled, it also is a painful reminder. This girl has done many things that I have yet to do. She’s been married ….TWICE (she’s on #2 and I guarantee he’s a keeper) been divorced (ok…not really wanting to do this one) and is now on her second home she’s owned. Oh yeah, and now she’s pregnant. I know I am a horrible person for not being able to be anything but thrilled at this news…..but DAYUM! What universal law have I broken that finds me in a one bedroom apartment with three neutered animals and a drawer full of cute panties that are seen not nearly enough?!?!?!

To add to my subconscious’ fun with me, the team I played trivia with tonight was named “I love boobies.” Sure–who doesn’t . I should be glad that I wasn’t left alone to fend for myself at trivia and had some folks to play with….but BOOBIES???? This is an area that I am painfuly lacking in. In the last few months I have thought about surgical “enhancements” more then I ever thought I would. But, alas, I would not be happy with that. I’d feel so artificial and since I can hardly deal with the real me most of the time, there’s no way I could live up to some bodacious ta-tas! This has become a bit more of an issue in my head because I feel as though I would be competing with big boobie girls to enter the world of The Player to be Named Later Yes, I know my obsession with him is silly….but still. He’s apparently dated strippers (dubious choice at best) and has a ton of fine ass, big boobied girls who think he is the cat’s pajamas. What would he want with an average girl, with little boobs who laughs really loud, snorts from time to time, has a problem not speaking her mind, likes to paint and analyze song lyrics and loves her dog, her cats, her handbags and shoe shopping more then she should? Seriously….

So here I sit. Jealous of one of my best friends. Intimidated by women who are after a man I don’t even know. Feeling sorry for myself that the best kisses I get involve dog breath. Yet, somehow, still stupidly optimistic and refusing to give up.

WTF?????

Ok, that is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

Stuff…..

Here is a collection of random things that everyone is dying to know about me–ha ha ha

  1. my initials are HRH and I am fine with people treating me as royalty.
  2. I love carbohydrates…..they may be my one TRUE love.
  3. If carbs ARE NOT my one true love, then my dog Noodle is. Getting him makes me understand that I probably shouldn’t have children if for no other reason then to avoid the obsessive behavior that will accompany them.
  4. I fear that if I don’t have children, all the weird, wacky and wonderful experiences of my life will die with me.
  5. I like to match my underwear to my outfit.
  6. My memory is very effected by smell.
  7. I have very little inherent creative talent, but I like to surround myself with those who do.
  8. Trivia is where I shine.
  9. I once got kicked out of Denny’s for singing the Beastie Boys “Paul Revere”–the whole thing. While standing on a chair. After eating a “Moons Over My Hammy!”
  10. I judge “fast casual” restaraunts by their ranch dressing.
  11. I have two cats. I love them. I had to get a dog instead of another cat to avoid being “crazy cat lady,”–a peril of being single.
  12. I love boys.
  13. I was tasered in high school.
  14. I carried around a snoopy MUCH later then I should have. I ended up having a small piece of his ear that I would sleep with. I lost that at the age of 22, in a Vegas hotel. Snoopy deserved better then that.
  15. I can be a dumbass AND a smart ass–often simultaneously.
  16. I had a job I hated for 5 years.
  17. My boss at my old job once told someone that I “could not be saved.” It was a Christian company.
  18. Musicians can get away with anything with me.
  19. I don’t like to write in blue ink.
  20. The company I currently work for often provides beer. It is NOT a “Christian” company.
  21. I like the way boys smell…even when they are kind of dirty.
  22. I don’t like it when my dog smells dirty, or gets wet. Good thing he likes the hair dryer.
  23. Sometimes I wake up and am sucking my thumb.
  24. I like to read quotes and intend to quote folks in my daily speech. Instead I usually just say stupid things….or quote lyrics or movies.
  25. Shoes and handbags are my weaknesses, well, those and cute boys….and tonic drinks….
  26. When I go to concerts, I like to sit in the even numbered seat.
  27. My tongue is very short.
  28. My second toe is longer then my big toe—which is rumored to be a sign of intelligence.
  29. I don’t like to write in blue ink.
  30. The first song I heard at work today was “Miss Independent” by Kelly Clarkson…and it pretty much made me able to handle anything thrown my way!
  31. I am a Sagittarius. When asked at about 4 years old what my sign was (God love the 70s!) I said “vegetarian”–I say it was pure wit–not stupidity!
  32. I love lip gloss and any other lip product.
  33. I cannot tell you what my natural haircolor is as I am sure it has changed in the 16 years I’ve been coloring it.
  34. My nicknames include; Heeter Lou, Goochybird, Guccia, Birdhead, Heathera, Steve Guchenberg, Ha Ha (pronounced “hey hey”) and Gucci….to name a few.
  35. I can tie a knot in a cherry stem using my tongue.
  36. I would rather freeze to death then burn to death (although I’d rather die peacefully in my sleep most of all!)
  37. I like tattoos.
  38. Celebrity gossip is something I can’t break myself away from.
  39. I am a voyeur, which is why myspace is so lovely!
  40. The word lovely makes me smile. I can use it in both positive and negative ways. I can even use it sarcastically.
  41. Sarcasm must be had to survive in my family.
  42. Often times I don’t think I know what I’m doing at work….but it all seems to work out.
  43. I think I have body dysmporhic disorder—but the opposite of most. I think my body looks better then it actually does. 🙂
  44. Deviled eggs make me happy, unless they have onion in them.
  45. I’ve been on “America’s Funniest People.”
  46. No, you can’t see the tape.
  47. I was once in two newspapers on the same day for different reasons. Neither of which were crime related.
  48. I wrote a play with 2 other people in the 2nd grade. We performed it for the school. I was Suzy Stegosaurus. That was one of the reasons I was in the newspaper.
  49. I’m an only child.
  50. I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom. Ok–not really, but if you know where that line comes from is it pretty safe to say we can be best friends.
  51. I know for a fact that the security guards at the Flamingo in Las Vegas, frown on you singing “Cheeseburger in Paradise” while walking along the edge of their planters in the casino.