Chemistry.com: The Truth

This is not some expose on a online dating site. This is, rather, a more truthful response to the extensive profile I filled out on the aforementioned dating site earlier today.

Who I am and who I am looking for:

I am borderline neurotic. I have a vivid imagination and a tendency to over-share. I can tend to be clingy, but need my space. I feel alone in crowds. I love my dog too much. Sometimes I forget to brush my teeth. I never put away my clean laundry. I like the idea of eating healthy, but eat crap out of convenience. I have pretty blue eyes, and I know it. There is no way for me to have cleavage. I fall down a lot. I laugh way too loud. Sometimes I hold in my sneezes in some weak attempt at femininity.  I enjoy museums and such, but spend large amounts of time watching random reality shows.  I sometimes think people are looking at me in admiration, but in my heart know it’s not true. I relate very well to gay men. Gay men love me. Straight men are much less interested. I sometimes have a horrible time holding up my end of a conversation. I try to be a people pleaser to the point that I either come across as super boring or eventually freak out and spill all the dissenting opinions I’ve been holding in. I was once a registered Republican, but currently am terrified by Republicans in general. I believe in God and think Jesus was probably a cool dude, but, in general, Christians scare the hell out of me. I don’t care what anyone does as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone else. Stealing is bad. I drive too fast. I sleep too much. Sometimes I take 3 showers a day. Sometimes I don’t shower for 3 days. I have 2 cats, and am ashamed of that sometimes.  I’ve kissed a girl. I can’t understand why people like me but am crushed if they don’t. I have a philanthropic heart, but a lazy ass. I love gossip. I may want to have children, but probably for all the wrong reasons.  I’m loyal to a fault. I’m nosy. I’m mostly a mess, the wants to be loved.

I am looking for a man. I like dark hair and beards. I want someone who listens to the minutia of my day and can tell which of my two friends named Erin I am talking about without clarification. I like boys who drive trucks. I like smart boys, who aren’t too smart to act stupid.  I want a boy who is more attractive then me, but doesn’t know it. I want a boy who will hold my hand. I want a boy with a healthy sexual appetite. I want a boy who understands the ridiculous nature of porn, but isn’t too “high brow” to enjoy it. I want a boy who cooks, or at least will eat my cooking. I want a boy who loves Nashville, but wants to travel. I want a boy who can hold his liquor….but doesn’t hold on to it too tight or all the time.I want a boy who will get pleasure out of seeing how excited I get at a Reckless Kelly show. I want a boy who thinks it’s great when I want to hang with “my girls” or even better, when I want to hang with “my boys.” I want a boy who knows more about me then anyone else, but still wants to know more.

I’m pretty sure that even if I had forked up the $50 to get an actual subscription to this dating site, had I filled out the form honestly, it would have been $50 down the drain. I’m all for online dating for others, but it just ain’t my thing. I lack the self confidence to open myself up like that and would much rather spend that $50 on shoes.

So there.

It’s the little things….

It has been pretty well documented that it is the little things in my life that make me happy (no that isn’t a slap at old boyfriends, but if the shoe fits….) Anywho.  With the holiday season being in our recent memories, one is bound to be introduced to new products and experiences that bring them joy.  Here are a few of mine.

  • Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion: OMG–this stuff is AMAZING!  My eyelids tend to have a voracious appetite for eyeshadow and as a result I rarely wear it.  Now, with this stuff, I am the eyeshadow queen.  It stays on forever and helps the pigments in the eyeshadow show up more also.  I even use it under liquid eyeliner, when that is all I am wearing, and it works there too.  I didn’t wash my face before bed Friday night (don’t tell my mom) and woke up Saturday morning looking like I had just put on my eyeliner.  It’s magic I tell you.  Worth every penny!!!
  • Sifting Litter Box: So, my Litter Maid has been broken for over a year and I simply couldn’t spend another $120 to deal with cat poop (this was the second one I had bought in 3 years) I had been investigating litter boxes online and thought that the sifting littler pan seemed like a good idea.  I had no idea how amazing it would be!  Seriously, this thing ROCKS!  It’s big enough for my two cats. It has a tall rim around it so no-one can kick out the litter.  You don’t have to deal with the “droppings” hardly at all. Just life the sifter tray and dump things into a garbage bag and you’re done!  It also seems to conserve litter pretty well. Sure, not a huge expense, but every little bit helps 🙂
  • Chicken Fingers @ Edgefield Sports Bar and Grill:  For about a month now, some friends and I have been playing darts every Friday night at the Edgefield. It’s a pretty basic bar, but the dart boards are pretty good. The dart area is spacious. The beer is cheap and the service doesn’t suck.  I had partaken of their grilled cheese in the past and was content with it. Nothing to write home about.  This past Friday I was craving chicken fingers all day so I ordered some at darts.  Oh my…..them are some tasty fingers.  These are no Sysco bulk frozen things.  The pieces were more like breast cutlets then fingers. The breading was flavorful and abundant, without over powering the chicken.  I have to say that there were the best chicken fingers I have had in quite some time and I consider myself somewhat of a chicken finger aficionado. The sides of coleslaw (which is rumored to be quite good) well seasoned crinkle cut fries and honey mustard rounded out a fine sports bar, darting meal.  I’m tempted to go there for lunch today to get me some fingers, but I fear I would fall prey to the cheap beer.

There you have it, three things that are making 2008 that much better in my little world.  Look around, you never know what might be making your world better too 🙂

Pure joy and unconditional love

Ok…so this one is about my dog, Noodle.  It seems like there are two topics for me these days, boys and my dog.  Eh…whatever.

So I just took Noodle for his evening walk.  That ball of fur gets so damn excited when I say outside that it isn’t even funny.  He jumps in the air on his hind legs and does pirouettes…. seriously PIROUETTES! He’s so happy to see his leash in my hand that he just licks me and licks me and licks me while I try to put it on.  Once we get out of the door he runs to the top of the stairs and waits for me.  He won’t go anywhere without his mom!  Then he runs down the stairs, the freakishly long fur on his butt bouncing with every step, his too long nails clicking along the way (he only lets me cut one per day….it’s not too effective).

Inevitably, whichever way I am taking at the bottom of the stairs is the opposite from him.  But I keep walking and he always catches up and runs ahead of me, while checking every few seconds that I am still back there.  When it is dark outside, I take him to the large area in front of my building.  It is between the complex and the street, but it is well lit and there is plenty of streetlights.  He starts sniffing and sniffing and sniffing.  Then he runs back and forth in front of me, testing the limits of his leash. He crouches down to be as aerodynamic as possible and goes to town.  It is HILARIOUS!  Tonight, after he did his biz, he went back to sniffing.  He found a dandelion and apparently was allergic because he sneezed really hard and blew the white fuzz completely off the stem.  He stood there for a bit, just looking at the empty stem.  He cocked his head as though he felt kinda bad about the whole thing…but then something flew by him and he had to chase it.

After some more running around like a wild man, he decided it was time to go back in.  He got to the end of the grass area and totally ate it on the sloped curb.  His front legs slid down the slope and his butt went straight up into the air.  He didn’t care.  He’s used to being clumsy, he gets it from his Mom 🙂  On the short walk back to my apartment he managed to get twisted around a sign, twisted around me and try to pee on the old lady downstairs’ fake flowers.  He’s quite the overachiever, let me tell ya.

Throughout this whole walk, I just kept laughing. Out loud. Belly laughs.  He is always so happy and so sweet and so confident in whatever random thing he is doing. It seems kinda pitiful, but words can’t describe how much I love my dog.  I love my cats just as much, but it is just different.  I don’t see a cat nose the second the door opens a bit. If I say the word “Kisses” to the cats, they couldn’t care less. They don’t like to ride in the car or sit on patios with cocktails.  It’s simply a different thing.

It seems a good day to blather on about my dog since when he was a tiny puppy, he was a pirate! Check out the peg leg!

Dear God, I love that face!

This may explain a lot…

So–when I came across the image below, I instantly thought that were I to ever be dumped again (ha ha ha, like that isn’t pretty darn likely!) I would send the boy this picture:

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Not that I’ve ever been “thrown out” of anywhere (other then Denny’s once for singing the Beastie Boys’ “Paul Revere” while standing on the chairs…but that’s a whole different thing.)  I’m much more experienced in the “hey, that guy I’ve been dating, sleeping with, etc….haven’t seen him. I could call….but what if we broke up. I’d hate to hear that.” type of break up.

I have it on the authority of a friend —a MARRIED friend— that my kitty picture would probably do the trick and lead to a long relationship.  YES!  I’m thinking I might want to find the guy before I plan how to thwart him breaking up with me.  But when the universe (or an lolcat website) sends you signs, you best pay attention to them!

I’m just saying……

Life is a strange and wonderful thing

Throughout my life I have had many pets. The first one I really remember was Muffin, the big ass tom cat that we didn’t know was a boy when we got him. He hated his name and went out at night and (I imagine) got in fights with the neighborhood cats that would tease him about it. He dropped many a dead bird on my baby yellow gingham bedspread and I knew he loved me. He ran away when the man who would become my Mother’s second husband moved into the house with his cat. Muffin wasn’t one to share.

In what could be thought of as a bookend to that portion of my life was D’arby. He was named after Terrance Trent D’arby and I got him around St. Patrick’s day, so it seemed like a perfect name–my love for my Irish ancestry is always coming up in odd ways. Anyway, I got D’arby when he was a tiny kitten and he was one of the best cats I ever knew. He was very much like a puppy, he followed me around and came when I called, etc…. He got very sick as a kitten and we had to feed him baby food and put him in the freezer for a few minutes at a time to try to get his fever to go down. Yes—the vet TOLD us to put him in the freezer. I had him for about 4 years, from 7th to 11th grade. In many ways, looking back, he was the highlight of this time in my life. Living with my stepfather was less then fun a lot of the time and without airing all sorts of dirty laundry, it was a very bad scene. But I always had D’arby. Well, I had him until my Mother finally left her husband and we moved to a place where we couldn’t have a cat. I don’t remember being sad about this. I don’t remember my emotions during this time much at all. I was numb throughout a lot of it. In survival mode. Using all the energy I had to just make it through. So we gave D’arby to a woman in my mom’s office. Not one of my favorite people, but she would take good care of him, etc… I never saw him again and it was years before I even asked the woman about him. Occasionally she would tell a story or something to my mom and in turn, my mom would tell me. D’arby turned 20 years old a few weeks ago. TWENTY! I can’t imagine him as the old cat that he inevitably had become. He was stuck in my mind as a silly grey and white kitten who was sitting in the freezer and would wake me up by licking my ears. I found out today that D’arby was put to sleep this past weekend. When my mom told me I felt a chill. I hadn’t laid eyes on that cat for 16 years, but he was still mine in my mind and now he was gone. I got home and gave my furry friends extra attention and made them promise, once again, to never get sick or die 🙂 They seemed alright with that.

In keeping this happy train rolling, my Dad visited my grandma today. She is 96 and every day she wakes up is a true miracle. Up until very recently she has been in good health. She can’t keep things straight and doesn’t get around much, but for all intents and purposes, is in fine shape. She never remembers my Dad, which is hard for him and sad for me to hear. She always remembers me though. She will eventually figure out who my Dad is by saying “Oh–you’re Heather’s father!”

Today she was asking how my twins were as well as the twins of my friend Erin. are. Well, I have no children and Erin (while pregnant) isn’t pregnant with twins (that we know of!) She also only met Erin a couple of times, even though I have known her since I was 5, the most recent time being almost 7 years ago at Christmas. However, in the mind of Bernice…there was a whole story line involving Erin, myself and our two sets of twins. Apparently Erin was married to a doctor (which was true the first time she was married, but not now) and I didn’t like him much (eh…also true I guess) but that wasn’t stopping me from visiting her at the hospital (which would TOTALLY be true) It’s these nuggets of clarity in my Grandma’s odd ramblings that kill me. You can almost convince yourself that her mind is almost like it used to be….almost. She has pneumonia right now and truly is not going to be with us much longer (although we’ve been saying this for some time now)

I hate that my children (should I have any) will never know her. Even now, she and I have a special bond. I used to spend all my summers with her on South Padre Island in Texas. We had so much fun it was insane. She always kept my nails painted—something my mom wasn’t so keen on. Christmas 2005 I visited her and noticed her fingernail polish was chipping (I guess people from the local beauty school come and do their hair and nails) and I asked if she wanted me to paint her fingernails for her. Her response, the first coherent thought of the visit was “Only if you’ve gotten better at that then you used to be. There was usually more polish on your fingers then your nails.” My Dad and I died laughing and I think at that moment I decided THAT was how I was going to remember her. That would be my final memory of a woman that played such a huge role in my life. So when I hear the crazy things she says, or the health problems she is having, it’s like they are some other person….and it makes it that much easier.

Um ok–this was kind of a bummer. But I didn’t mean to be. I’d like to think it is a celebration of life and the people and creatures that come in and out of it. These beings that love you unconditionally and make you who you are today. Life’s short, even though it can seem so long. So don’t miss out on things or think there will be another chance….because there might not be. On that note, if anyone wants to join me for lunch next Monday, I will be having corn nuggets in the presence of my redneck crush and he will be mine (as long as he’s working that shift of course 🙂 )

I fear for my possible, future, purely theoretical children.

I don’t think I would/will be a very good mother.

This epiphany came to me last night at 2 AM (so would that actually be this morning?) when my beloved Noodle pulled his leash off the counter and dropped it on my sleeping head.  Of course, I screamed when it hit me…but once I opened my eyes and looked at him….I couldn’t be mad.  He tilted his furry little head and blinked his eyes and made his ears perk up as though to say “Why so loud…let’s go for a walk!” Instead of ignoring him, turning the lights back off and going back to sleep…..I played with him.  We played fetch and tug and then he just started licking me uncontrollably. Who needs sleep when you have a frisky 9 month old puppy to play with?

Since I was COMPLETELY awake at this point I started to think about how  the way I take care of Noodle might be a terrible indication of how I would be as a mother. Yesterday evening, for example, I took him to the dog park.  His girlfriend Lexi was meeting there, with her mom Ear Injury. He ran around and played quite a bit until Lexi got there, then he was all about her.  He got super dirty and tired out after an hour or so.  I packed his dirty butt up and we drove home.  Sure…the dog park is all about wearing him out, but I probably shouldn’t let him fall asleep in the car. But darnit–he’s so darn cute when he sleeps with his chin on the emergency brake! Then we got home and he immediately got a bath, followed by blow dried fur (he was SO fluffy) followed by some Lavendar and Chamomille powder (so he smelled super good). All of this was for me.  Sure, he could’ve used a bath, but the blow drying and powder was all for me.

He had his kibble and then fell asleep….at like 8:45!  I should have kept him up. But he was all clean and fluffy and snuggled up on my clean white comforter with his head nestled in my blue pillows.  He looked so cute.  I tried to get him to go outside to do his biz before I went to bed, but he just rolled over on his back, yawned, stretched and fell back asleep.

I know I’m in charge here….but why wake the poor dear up…just to avoid my sleep being distrubed later?  That seems selfish, no?

It seems so much different having a dog then it does to have cats.  Cats are like adopted children who are totally aware of their place in the world.  They are not too demanding, get affection when THEY want it and have very few expectations of you in general–other then feeding and litter box changing.

Dogs are so needy.  But their love seems so unconditional.  Every time you walk in the door it’s like you’ve just gotten back from war. With Noodle he licks my nose right after I turn the light off at night and when the alarm goes off in the morning. He doesn’t want to miss a second of time with me when I am home.  So, in turn, I spoil him. I blame potty accidents on myself (if I had come home right after work instead of Happy Hour–he wouldn’t have done it.) I rationalize him eating and chewing anything that falls on the floor…..how can he tell the difference between a chew toy and my prescription glasses?

So, now I figure that all this justification and excuse making for my dog will be how I would raise a child.  Luckily I have decided that there is no way I would have a kid without a strong father in the picture—I’m not that liberated—and hopefully he could be the voice of reason.  Yeah….with the guys I’m attracted to that’s not bloody likely.

Perhaps I should give up the idea of children now and become the crazy cat lady, with one, very spoiled, incredibly cute and slightly misbehaved dog.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Seven years ago today I became an official resident of Nashville.  I moved into my little apartment with only a bed, a TV, a stereo, 2,000 CDs, an air mattress and a lawn chair.  It was the scariest and most exciting thing I had ever done.  I had no job.  I knew no one.  I had enough money to live for about 2 months. The first few days were exciting.  The next couple of months were terrible.  Then I started to make friends. I had a job that was paying the bills nicely. I went out more–which is good since my apartment was way more ghetto then I had noticed moving in and the shootings and drug busts seemed to happen in the late evening and were all cleaned up by the time I got home.

I fell madly in love, not with a person, but with my city.  The place I had decided to make my home felt more like my home then any place I had ever lived.  The first time I flew back to L.A. I was almost sick at the thought of leaving.  I remember being at the Cleveland airport waiting for my connecting flight and the gate next to mine was a flight to Nashville and I just wanted to get on it and go home!  I missed my L.A. friends and my mom terribly….but it simply wasn’t home any more.

In the past 7 years I have laughed more and cried more and learned more then in the 26 years before. I have met the most amazing people. I have made the most wonderful friends.  I have stayed in touch with my L.A. friends (something I’m quite proud of!) and have even shown them the wonders of Nashville and they too, have quite a crush on this city of mine. I am still dumbstruck at the natural beauty of this area. 

I  love the creativity that seems to permeate the air. I love the fact that on Sundays, it feels like a very small town, it’s so quiet and slow and lovely. I love the smell right after a big thunderstorm. I love the smell of the air when you cross the state lines (the air in Tennessee is just sweeter…I don’t know why!) I love that I can eat corn nuggets at a meat and three and thai food on the same day. I love sitting in Centennial park and reading. I love seeing indie movies at the Belcourt and drinking fair trade coffee at Fido. I love knowing that macaroni and cheese is a vegetable and that sushi is great fried.  I love to sit on the patio at Jackson’s and drink vodka tonics with my friends AND my dog. I love the country boys in pick-ups and the rocker boys in black. I love popsicles from Las Paletas and sweet potato fries from Bobbie’s Dairy Dip.  I love that I “rescued” all three of my pets…..but I know that they actually rescued me. I love Thirsty Thursday at Greer Stadium. I love being able to hear the cannon when the Titans score a touchdown. I love hearing a song on the radio and know that the artist was at the table next to me the night before. I love being an 8 hour drive away from Chicago. I love being a half hour drive from the middle of nowhere. I love tomatoes in late July and shephard’s pie at Family Wash in late January. I love being able to walk into Corner Bar and have my drink ready for me before I sit down. I love that we now have a Sephora AND multiple places to get good fish tacos. I love pupusas at Las Americas and the accessories at Pangea. Really, the list goes on and on and on……

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years.  Somedays it feels like I just got here and other days it feels like I’ve lived here my whole life.  I’ve had a pretty transient life, but I now know that I have found my home and that is a very re-assuring fact.

Restless

The word restless is perhaps the word that can most often be used to describe me.  Sometimes it’s a good thing, sometimes it’s a bad thing, but most of all it’s just an accurate word.

I’m quite restless these days.  I think this has to do with not having anything specific to look forward to.  No vacations on the horizon.  No one visiting any time soon. All I have to look forward to right now is finishing the Harry Potter series and the unknown. 

Anticipation of the unknown is a fun thing. My imagination can go a million different places. I refuse to stop believing that the best the world has to offer isn’t just a phone call, or a random conversation or an email away.  I cannot and will not give up the ideal that all of my dreams and wishes can and will come true when I least expect it. This is not to say that I am living in hopes for the future instead of the glory of the present.  I like to think that I enjoy the present as much as possible.  I take delight in the little things in my life; the right song popping up on my iPod, a cute face from my dog, a sweet sleeping position of my cats, a great conversation with a friend, a perfectly assembled sandwich, etc.

I’m not looking for huge, dramatic things….but I am tempted, right now, to jump in my car, throw my bathing suit and my dog in and drive until I hit a coast….

The Weekend In Review

This weekend wasn’t a big exciting weekend…but it was a good weekend and I woke up smiling this morning….so that’s got to be something. 

Friday: Worked, well, sat at work and tried to figure out things to do to pass the time.  Sad, sad day on my time sheet as far as billable hours were concerned.  Half of the office was on vacation…even if there were things to be done, no one was there to do them.  Got new brakes on the Little Red Rocket…and I mean the whole nine yards, rotors, pads, and even wheel cylinders.  WOO HOO!  I can stop like all the other cars now.  Stopped at Target on the way home and got a sweet new flat iron (it was needed, new haircut+ cracked flat iron = need to new flat iron) and I got some Brita filters too (I know how to party AND hydrate).  The filters were on sale AND I got a $5 Target gift card that had a cute hologram of a puppy rolling over on it. I also got a cute flowered fabric purse I had had my eyes on for awhile that was 30% off.  Went home, watched some “What Not to Wear” and fell asleep on the couch.  Yeah, I’m a party girl, what can I say. 

Saturday: Was awoken by Noodle kisses.  Got up, walked him, took a shower and met Ear Injury at DSW for the beginning of what would be Shop-a-palooza 2007!  DSW was having their end of summer sale (don’t ask) and before Ear injury even got there, I had picked up 2 purses, both under $15 with retail prices of $85 and $150!  One was a b-day gift for my mom….she’ll love it.  Then I found the elusive dark brown flip flops I had been searching for.  Born’s also….for like $25!!!  YES!  We hit Old Navy , and we hit it HARD!  There were two shirts that I had wanted for awhile that were both on sale for $8.  I also got a cute babydoll sweater that can take me into fall and a little black dress that will ROCK once I get this tan in better order. Then we stopped at Target for a bit (got some cute earrings and a tasty beverage) before arriving at the mall.  We didn’t go THAT many places in the mall, but it seemed like we were there FOREVER!  After failing at our quest to get a pretzel—stupid directory—we both but ourselves off and went home.  We won’t even get into the crazy kiosk lady who was doing the full court press to get us to buy this nail buffer.  I wonder how that one thumbnail is looking……  I went home and passed out for 2 hours.  I was BEAT!  I think I pulled a muscle carrying all my packages, or it might have been the 38lb thing of kitty litter (where’s a boy when you need him!?)  After the nap I went to dinner with Pops, got my first pair of Crocs ( I LOVE THEM!) and we went to see Ratatouille.  That movie was really cute and, as most pixar things are, really well done.  I was so tired when I got home that I fell asleep on top of my covers, in my clothes, including my Crocs (which had been put on in response to the scary blisters I got from the super cute skimmers I had worn to dinner). I woke up Sunday am with my furry friends all around me, the kitchen and bedroom light on and fully clothed—and NOT hungover, interesting. 

Sunday: I was all rested from the previous day’s festivities and it wasn’t bloody hot outside, so Noodle and I hit the dog park.  There were a surprising number of dogs there for 9:30 on Sunday morning, or at least is surprised me.  I don’t see 9:30 Sunday morning outside of my house very often.  Noodle took off like a bolt of lightning when we got there and went to town.  Lots of butt sniffing and licking.  He ran with the pack for awhile, then started hitting up the other humans.  He loves the attention of humans. This big black dog kept running up and knocking Noodle over and rolling around with him.  Noodle was NOT amused.  He squealed and ran over to me every time.  Poor little Mama’s Boy!  Once he stopped running around, I decided to take his dirty butt home.  My normally white dog was now FILTHY!!!!  So we got home and he instantly got in the bath.  He was so worn out that he didn’t seem to mind the bath at all.  He even fell asleep while I was blow drying him.  Once he was all taken care of, I went to the pool.  No one was there.  I had the joint completely to myself.  I hopped on my hot pink floaty and read for awhile.  Then I got sleepy and decided to float, sleep and tan at the same time—I love to multi-task!  All was well and good until the heavens opened up and raindrops so big that they hurt started to pelt me.  I ran under a tree with all my stuff trying to decide if it was a 5 minute storm.  Once it thundered,  I decided it wasn’t.  I scurried into the house.  I opened the patio door to listen to the rain and fell asleep with Noodle and Kobe (Fergus was in his own bed) on the couch for a lovely Sunday afternoon nap.  Didn’t get much sun time, but I have Wednesday and all next weekend to make up for it. Went to dinner with my Pops at Las Palmas, then went home, did some laundry and called to see what was up with my internet (I had been unable to get online at home for 4 days…I had myspace withdrawls BIG TIME!) Come to find out, the ONE button I hadn’t touched in attempts to fix things myself was the magic button.  LAME! But all’s well that ends well.  I caught up on Mr. T’s life—got himself an iPhone, and responded to emails, etc…. Then I watched 4 “Gay Robot” clips on YouTube—which were really funny and went to bed, IN MY BED!!!

It’s dead at work this week, but that’s alright I guess.  Not sure how I’ll pass the time, but I’m sure I will.  Cheesecake Factory for a b-day tonight, pre-trivia.  Party tomorrow night.  Wednesday, lots of pool time….then who knows what for the rest of the week.  There better be some smooching with cute boys this week…..I’m just saying.

 

My subconscious sucks!

*****warning! I am a little bit tipsy and as a result VERY sensitive. come on in to my pity party….all are welcome!*****

So, I’ve been having all these weird thoughts about pregnancy, right. Well, turns out, one of my best friends, a girl I’ve known since first grade and love to death ,is pregnant. That’s right, I’m going to be an Auntie again. While, in general, I am thrilled, it also is a painful reminder. This girl has done many things that I have yet to do. She’s been married ….TWICE (she’s on #2 and I guarantee he’s a keeper) been divorced (ok…not really wanting to do this one) and is now on her second home she’s owned. Oh yeah, and now she’s pregnant. I know I am a horrible person for not being able to be anything but thrilled at this news…..but DAYUM! What universal law have I broken that finds me in a one bedroom apartment with three neutered animals and a drawer full of cute panties that are seen not nearly enough?!?!?!

To add to my subconscious’ fun with me, the team I played trivia with tonight was named “I love boobies.” Sure–who doesn’t . I should be glad that I wasn’t left alone to fend for myself at trivia and had some folks to play with….but BOOBIES???? This is an area that I am painfuly lacking in. In the last few months I have thought about surgical “enhancements” more then I ever thought I would. But, alas, I would not be happy with that. I’d feel so artificial and since I can hardly deal with the real me most of the time, there’s no way I could live up to some bodacious ta-tas! This has become a bit more of an issue in my head because I feel as though I would be competing with big boobie girls to enter the world of The Player to be Named Later Yes, I know my obsession with him is silly….but still. He’s apparently dated strippers (dubious choice at best) and has a ton of fine ass, big boobied girls who think he is the cat’s pajamas. What would he want with an average girl, with little boobs who laughs really loud, snorts from time to time, has a problem not speaking her mind, likes to paint and analyze song lyrics and loves her dog, her cats, her handbags and shoe shopping more then she should? Seriously….

So here I sit. Jealous of one of my best friends. Intimidated by women who are after a man I don’t even know. Feeling sorry for myself that the best kisses I get involve dog breath. Yet, somehow, still stupidly optimistic and refusing to give up.

WTF?????

Ok, that is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.