Did I Just Say That Outloud?

Random hallway conversations with co-workers can bring out some interesting information. You can find out what happened at a co-worker’s recent wedding, learn who has fallen out of favor with the bosses, even figure out who to join forces with and who to avoid. You can, as I so startlingly found out today, find out things about yourself. Truths that come out of your mouth before you even realize you felt that way. Admissions that sound pretty horrible, in reality.

Today’s admission came during a discussion about my upcoming birthday. I’ll be the big 3-7. For some reason, this sounds old. My co-worker said that her 32nd birthday was looming and felt old, but that she was really already concerned about her 40th. I admitted that I was already kinda freaking out about turning 40 also, but figured I’d get over it in 3 years. She had a list of things that she had to accomplish by 40, one of which was getting married. When she said that is when “it” happened. The next 7 words I spoke shook me to the core when I realized I said them.

“I don’t think I’ll ever get married.”

I mean, sure, I’m 36 and sleep with a dog and a cat, but I guess, somewhere, I hadn’t completely given up the idea that I would be married some day. Until today apparently. Standing in the doorway of the copy room. Preparing a package to go to China.

In ways this admission terrifies me. Should I go out and get 4 more cats and stop brushing my hair? It also frees me. I am, somehow, no longer “poor, single Heather” but simply Heather. Happy Heather. Gainfully employed at a job she loves. Noodle and Kobe’s mom. Sally and Tom’s daughter. Heather Renee Haley.

I will always have the fab initials of HRH.

I will never have to worry about life insurance.

The random stories of my life will have to live on through those I have chosen to be in my life, not those who have been legally bound to me.

Wow.

Never married.

Didn’t really see that one coming.

Yet here it is.

Is my life any different from making this admission….doubt it.

But now it’s out there…..and once something’s out there, you can’t take it back. I learned that in When Harry Met Sally.

Damn–even THEY got married……

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One thought on “Did I Just Say That Outloud?

  1. Never say never! And not a all am I implying by any means you need to or should be married. Being happy is what’s important and I think you have found happiness. If a guy walks into the picture and makes it even more complete, great. If not, so what! I think more and more people are single now in their 30s. And good grief, half your friends, including me, are on their 2nd marriage!

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