There is joke in the music world about unsigned or new bands being huge in Belgium, or Europe or Southeast Asia or basically anywhere but where they are actually located.
Sometimes I feel like those bands. I have a strong support system here in Nashville, don’t get me wrong. My mom lives here now for God’s sake…and ain’t no one more supportive of me then her. So why do I feel like so much of my life and loved ones are somewhere else?
I could chalk it up to being restless…which I most definitely am, but that seems too easy. Perhaps I have inherited my father’s “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” mentality? But wait…I love it here. I love my house. I love my friends. I love my job. I love Sunday dinners at my mom’s. I love Thursday night trivia at 3 Crow. I love driving to World Market and marvelling at the rolling green hills. Nashville is home.
But I miss so many of my friends. I miss my girls from Cali so much sometimes that I can’t even deal. Life was so silly and fun and random when we were all together. I guess I should find solace in the fact that they don’t even see each other much these days because of busy lives…and they all live less then 20 minutes from each other. But still, I wish I could put them all on a plane and have them move here.
I miss my Austin peeps. How is it possible that I know so few people there and have spent so little time with these people…but they are still my peeps? Perhaps it’s because life isn’t real for me when I am in Austin. It is a series of decisions, not about which bill to pay or if I should call the lawn guy or not, but where my next frosty drink or live music should be enjoyed. It’s about driving through barren yet beautiful landscapes and imagining I have married a lonely rancher who loves art and music and Drag Queens as much as I do. We live this idyllic life, never worrying about anything real or stressful. My fantasy life in Central Texas is probably what ties me to the people I know there. They are living small portions of that fantasy and by keeping in touch with them, I am too….kinda.
I even have peeps in Michigan. There are my family members there…who I have to relationship with. Then there are the people who I consider my family. The people who I can go years without seeing, yet always feel comfortable around. The people who live this odd little life near the small town that spawned both of my parents. I wish I could go to the little league games and random dinners and pool parties. I wish an 8 minute drive separated us instead of an 8 hour one.
The more I think about this….I feel that Facebook may be to blame. I know so much more about the day to day lives of these people then I did pre-social networking, yet I can’t really be a part of it. I can’t hug them in sympathy or celebration. I can’t run into them at the movies when we both have status updates about the latest Julia Roberts movie. I can’t drive over to their house when they’ve made too much amazing food. I can’t join them to see the new cute band with brothers in it play down the street.
But I can’t focus on all I can’t do. It will make me crazier then I already am. I must focus on what I can do. Like driving up my driveway and having Noodle’s little face in the window. Like sitting on a friend’s deck or backyard with a random group of people I would never have met anywhere else. Like seeing the strange, one armed Asian man running “laps” in his driveway. Like getting take-out from Cracker Barrel and not even trying to convince my mom to not share hers with Noodle.
I’ve got it pretty damn good. I know this. But dammit….I miss my peeps sometimes 😦