“If I know what love is, it is because of you.”….Herman Hesse

One year ago today, I was living my life. Loving my new job. Thrilled to be out of my old job and feeling as though I was back to being myself, perhaps an even better version of myself then I had been.

That was a Monday. The next day, Tuesday, I looked around the Craigslist pet listings as I was known to do to kill time. For some reason, that day, I decided that I wanted a dog. Well, I had wanted one for awhile, but that day I decided I was going to get one. I wanted a small dog. A purse dog. A dog that I could take with me pretty much wherever I wanted. I came across an add for a Pomeranian/Chihuahua mix. The ad said it was 6 months old, pretty much full grown and up to date on shots. The little picture was the cutest thing I had seen in a long time.

I responded to the ad immediately. Turns out the ad had only been up for like 5 minutes so I was the first call. I made plans to drive to Clarksville that night to “look at” the puppy. Sweet Nikki agreed to go with me and she, Brianna and I piled into the car and drove to Clarksville.

I had made plans to meet the woman in the parking lot of WalMart. After some interesting searching….do you know how many blue mini vans are in the Clarksville WalMart parking lot?…we found her. What I assume to be her daughter brought the puppy out and it was a done deal. I grabbed that little ball of fur, handed over the “adoption fee” gave her my email so she could send me the vet records and then and there, I was a dog mom.

He was so small and furry and snuggly. I couldn’t believe he was mine. We went to PetSmart to get all of his accessories. Here is the first picture I took of him:

The “Nature’s Miracle” package in the background was pure coincidence. We stocked up on his needs and got back in the car to drive home. The whole way home he snuggled up into my neck and eventually fell asleep. It was LOVE!!! Nikki and I tried to come up with names and quite frankly, I can’t remember any of the names we discussed. Out of nowhere, I remembered a dog that a friend of mine had drawn. We joked about making a whole cartoon about this dog and becoming famous. I even “wrote” a theme song. The dog’s name was Noodle. It was perfect. Cute, fun to say, spoke of my love of carbs and just worked.

I finally got home, introduced him to the cats and there I was, Noodle’s mom and my life was more complete then I could have imagined.

Our first week together was a dream. I couldn’t wait to get home to him. He peed on his pee pee pads. He chased the cats. He slept with me and made cute little puppy noises at night. It was ideal. Until I broke him. After exactly one week of being together, he ran out from under a chair and I stepped on his little leg. He made the most horrific noise and my heart broke right there. Eventually I found an emergency vet and off we were. I was bawling my eyes out and he was licking my hand. His concern was my happiness, not his injury.

The first thing I learned at the vet was not the state of his leg, but rather, the fact that the woman who had placed the ad for him was either delusional or a big fat liar. He was only MAYBE 3 months old, no where near full grown and had no sort of Pomeranian OR Chihuahua in him. Not that it mattered at that point, I was in for the long haul. After some x-rays and such, it was determined that he had a broken leg. They brought my little guy out with a big blue cast on. My heart broke all over again. But when he licked my face the second I took him in my arms, I knew it was going to be alright.

He used that cast any way he could. He ran around like a pirate dog with it knocking on the floor. It didn’t slow him down. He would bang it on the floor when I wasn’t paying attention to him. He used it on the cats as a weapon. He would make sure I remembered it was there whenever he was getting in trouble.

As a result of his injury he had a lot of vet trips. As a result of the vet trips, he got to come to the office a lot. He was an instant hit. If you ever start a new job and have trouble meeting folks, bring a little puppy with a broken leg and a great personality in and you will meet everyone. He was the agency mascot. We joked about putting him on the payroll as a “Vice President of Good Moods.” It was great.

About the time his cast came off, he was four months old, which is a good time to determine what size he would be. He weighed about 12 lbs at 4 months, which meant he would be 25-30 lbs when he was full grown. If he was going to be a purse dog, I was going to need a MUCH bigger purse. Friends joked that he wasn’t just “Noodle” anymore….he was more like “Lasagna” but as his size grew, my love for him grew too.

I would like to not come across as a crazy dog lady and hope to go on dates and such, but dammit, I love my dog. Seriously, I can have a horrendous day and as soon as I remember that his furry face is going to greet me as I open the door…it’s all OK.

He’s an amazing listener:

He likes to stay well read:

He protects me:

He’s good on car trips:

He likes ice cream:

He’s not afraid to give me his opinion:

He knows how to enjoy a nice relaxing day on the couch:

He lets me dress him up (but doesn’t alway like it):

But most of all, he makes me super happy and has brought things to my life that I didn’t even know I was missing!:

Happy anniversary my furry friend. I hope to some day be half the person you think I am. I also hope to find the human version of you…..but maybe I should hope for half the human version of you 🙂

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R.I.P

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So, I’m not one to get wrapped up in celebrities. Who am I kidding? I spend endless hours reading gossip blogs and keeping up with the goings on of random people I don’t know and, for the most part, have no desire to know. However, there are a select few who stray from the “time wasting celebrity idiots” category into the “talented people that I admire and enjoy knowing are on the planet” category. Heath Ledger was definitely someone I enjoyed knowing was on the planet.

Today, at the age of 28, he ceased being on the planet….well, I suppose that would be up for debate, but I’m not in the mood. He died, naked, surrounded by pills in an apartment owned by Mary-Kate Olsen on Broome St….my favorite street in SoHo.*** He died before he got a massage. He died before the new Batman movie, with him as the Joker, came out. He died before the vast majority of his talent could be shared with the world.

Before he was a gay cowboy, he was Patrick in 10 Things I Hate About You. A modern adaptation of “Taming of the Shrew” set in the scary confines of high school…sign me up! I LOVE that movie and I love his character in it, trouble to those who don’t know him, but caring and sweet to those who did. SWOON. If you’ve never seen the movie…check it out. That was were my love for Heath Ledger bloomed. In the interest of full disclosure, Heath Ledger was the spitting image of Brian, my first real love,the boy I dated in late High School/early College. I’m sure that helped my affection for him grow.

I saw pretty much all of his films. He never ceased to entertain me, make me cry or laugh or whatever emotion best suited the scene. His acting was solid and to try and draw a line of growth through his characters would be interesting. He never played the same character twice. Strung out druggy in “Candy” ( a film that was always hard to watch, but after today may prove impossible) to a knight from a ridiculous adaptation of “Canterbury Tales,” to a crazy surf shop owner in “Lords of Dogtown” to “Casanova” and Bob Dylan and his most well known roll, a gay cowboy.

His performance in “Brokeback Mountain” was one of the most heart wrenching things I have ever witnessed. Every action of that character was a struggle and the look on Heath’s face and the tone of his voice never let you forget it. In an interview about the film he said that “love can destroy you too. The love that this man had in his life destroyed him.” That was painfully evident in the film. Of the two main characters in that movie, Ennis (Ledger) was the most complex. He seemed to be fighting with everything in his world, and he never won.

I don’t doubt that Heath Ledger was a risk taker. He was once quoted as saying “I’m not good at future planning. I don’t plan at all. I don’t know what I’m doing tomorrow. I don’t have a day planner and I don’t have a diary. I completely live in the now, not in the past, not in the future.” Those are not the words of someone who is living or wants to live a quiet, slow life. There is a part of me that would love to know what part of the “now” he was living in when he took the pills that presumably took his life. I’m all for living in the now….but mostly because I want things to talk about in “future now.”

There is no “future now” for Heath Ledger and that saddens me. It saddens me more then the death of an actor should. Perhaps it was my desire to see where his career took him. To see what he looked like as an old man so I could know what Brian would have looked like had he not been killed in a motorcycle accident last year. Maybe I simply wanted to see an attractive man on the big screen who would take my breath away and always leave me wanting more. I guess the “leaving me wanting more” part is taken care of…..

***ok..so it wasn’t in MKO’s house. But it was on Broome street. I didn’t think anything so horrible could happen on such a wonderful street.

It’s the little things….

It has been pretty well documented that it is the little things in my life that make me happy (no that isn’t a slap at old boyfriends, but if the shoe fits….) Anywho.  With the holiday season being in our recent memories, one is bound to be introduced to new products and experiences that bring them joy.  Here are a few of mine.

  • Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion: OMG–this stuff is AMAZING!  My eyelids tend to have a voracious appetite for eyeshadow and as a result I rarely wear it.  Now, with this stuff, I am the eyeshadow queen.  It stays on forever and helps the pigments in the eyeshadow show up more also.  I even use it under liquid eyeliner, when that is all I am wearing, and it works there too.  I didn’t wash my face before bed Friday night (don’t tell my mom) and woke up Saturday morning looking like I had just put on my eyeliner.  It’s magic I tell you.  Worth every penny!!!
  • Sifting Litter Box: So, my Litter Maid has been broken for over a year and I simply couldn’t spend another $120 to deal with cat poop (this was the second one I had bought in 3 years) I had been investigating litter boxes online and thought that the sifting littler pan seemed like a good idea.  I had no idea how amazing it would be!  Seriously, this thing ROCKS!  It’s big enough for my two cats. It has a tall rim around it so no-one can kick out the litter.  You don’t have to deal with the “droppings” hardly at all. Just life the sifter tray and dump things into a garbage bag and you’re done!  It also seems to conserve litter pretty well. Sure, not a huge expense, but every little bit helps 🙂
  • Chicken Fingers @ Edgefield Sports Bar and Grill:  For about a month now, some friends and I have been playing darts every Friday night at the Edgefield. It’s a pretty basic bar, but the dart boards are pretty good. The dart area is spacious. The beer is cheap and the service doesn’t suck.  I had partaken of their grilled cheese in the past and was content with it. Nothing to write home about.  This past Friday I was craving chicken fingers all day so I ordered some at darts.  Oh my…..them are some tasty fingers.  These are no Sysco bulk frozen things.  The pieces were more like breast cutlets then fingers. The breading was flavorful and abundant, without over powering the chicken.  I have to say that there were the best chicken fingers I have had in quite some time and I consider myself somewhat of a chicken finger aficionado. The sides of coleslaw (which is rumored to be quite good) well seasoned crinkle cut fries and honey mustard rounded out a fine sports bar, darting meal.  I’m tempted to go there for lunch today to get me some fingers, but I fear I would fall prey to the cheap beer.

There you have it, three things that are making 2008 that much better in my little world.  Look around, you never know what might be making your world better too 🙂

The Homewrecker’s Handbook

warning: this post will contain much swearing, lot’s of “f bombs”–feel free to click away now

This goes out to all the ladies who will fuck someone’s husband. Hopefully it will help you deal with some of the “tricky” situations that may come up as a result of fucking someone’s husband.

  • Don’t get mad should the woman who’s husband you fucked (aka, his ex-wife, mother of his child, forgiving angel, etc.) be kind enough to bring over Christmas presents HER MOTHER bought for your children.  All of them, the one you had when you met her HUSBAND, the one you had as a result of FUCKING her husband, and the one she had when she was married to her husband, whom you fucked. It’s a kind gesture on behalf of you’re baby daddy’s former mother in law for the kids…it has nothing to do with you….HUSBAND FUCKER.
  • When your baby daddy, wait, let me clarify…most RECENT baby daddy, talks to his ex wife about the child they had together before you fucked her husband…don’t get angry.  Really, in general, unless she comes at you with a machete or threatens your kids, don’t get mad at her at all, for anything.  Very few things that she could do to you would be worse then FUCKING HER HUSBAND, while you were supposed to be babysitting her kid.
  • Whenever something starts to get you irritated with your most recent baby daddy’s ex-wife, remember that he hasn’t paid her a damn dime in months and that she has brought over food for you and your kids when you didn’t have money for any…..all of this after you FUCKED HER HUSBAND.
  • Say it’s a year or so after the divorce is final, you have a one year old child with this man and have set some sort of wedding date, don’t expect his ex-wife to be thrilled that you would like her to change her last name. It takes time and money. This woman, the one whose husband you fucked, has a career, a career she was building while you were fucking her husband.  She’d rather not have the name, but it is also her child’s name and she loves her child. She isn’t so hype on explaining a sudden name change due to the divorce that resulted from you fucking her husband. Let it go.

There are a ton of other things I could write down here, but I think you get the gist.  It was once said to me that in a wedding the mother of the groom should keep their mouth shut and wear beige, also a good idea for what husband fuckers should do in life.

It should be noted that the husband is as much to blame in all of the above situations as he was a party to the baby making. He also should not tell his ex-wife the ludicrous things his baby mama says, should that entice his ex-wife to show her the questionable text messages you sent her a few months ago and will save for situations just like these.

I am not a mother, an ex-wife or a husband fucker.  This was done as a public service.  Spread the word.