A Busy Mind

This time of year is always interesting. It seems like there is so much more going on and so many more things to do, people to see, etc.

It all makes for a busy, busy mind. From my dad’s b-day to New Year’s Eve, it’s a series of events and functions, multiple December b-days, including my own, holiday parties, excuses for friends to get together, and other random things that pop up out of nowhere.

For example, I have a baby shower to go to this weekend. I’m actually really excited about this shower–which is odd for me. The mom to be is a dear person who will be a super cool mom. Over the past year she has become a pretty cool addition to my life.  It is odd to think that just a year ago she was dating a friend of mine and I hardly knew her. My friend is NOT the father of the baby–although I am friends with the father. I adore both of them and can’t wait for that little boy they made to grace us with his presence.

I was invited to a birthday party this weekend also—yeah, I’m popular.  This one has a “Dallas” theme–the TV show. I adore the birthday girl. Her boyfriend is one of the best guys I know. The only thing that is making me wonder if I will go to this party (other then the idea of busting out some shoulder pads) is that I don’t know who else will be there.  I’m thinking a “former friend” of mine will. I will admit….it intimidates me.  He and I used to be like peanut butter and jelly–always together.  I actually met the birthday girl through him.  Now, we don’t speak. Lots of things happened. I’ve tried to make some peace, it hasn’t been acknowledged. We’re civil to each other–but that is about it.  There are so many things I’d like to talk to him about. Our shared interest in the movie “Once.” What he thought of the new Bob Dylan movie. How the hell he’s doing in general. But I need to get over thinking that will happen. Even my relationships with gay men get complicated!!!! So, do I go to this party, by myself, armed only with shoulder pads and big hair and try to be enough of a social butterfly that I make new friends? Or do I stay at home simply because I am afraid of an old friend?

There is also the subject of my work crush.  I was out of the office all last week and he is out this week and next.  So sad. All I have to remember him by right now is how he put his arm around me and playfully punched my shoulder when I told him I hated some copy he wrote (I didn’t know he wrote it when I said I hated it….but I do hate it). I looked him straight in the eyes and I’m telling you, we lingered there a tad too long. I can make something like that last for three weeks…..but did he even notice.

I’m telling you, my mind is a mess. I need to go Christmas shopping—although I have no idea what I’m getting anyone. I need to get a haircut, although I want a new hairdresser and have no idea what I want done. I need to go get my tags renewed, but I don’t want to take my lunch time to drive to Green Hills. I need to get a super cute outfit for my b-day, but I have no idea what that could be.

We won’t even go into the pile of papers on my desk or the decorating I need to do to my office.

Is this REALLY the most wonderful time of the year?

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Rice

I like rice. Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something. –Mitch Hedberg

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It’s a fun way to waste time.  I try to do at least 1,000 grains of rice a day 🙂

All Present and Accounted For

I had a missed call on my cell phone when I got back into my office from a meeting. There was also a voice mail.

The voice mail was a recording informing me that if I wanted to make sure to not receive collect calls from the Davidson County Correctional Facility I could call some number.

Luckily, all my peeps are present and accounted for and none are in jail.

An interesting way to start my day, however.

I hope whoever was trying to get through to someone “on the outside” was successful.

Work crush update

In the last 24 hours, the following have been witnessed by my work crush.

  • Me, meowing like a cat while holding my hair up in two ponytails during last night’s storms. If he had walked in two minutes earlier, it would have been funny, not sad/scary/disturbing.
  • Me, calling my friend who had an unfortunate incident in the ladies room earlier today, “Pee Butt” in a somewhat loud voice.
  • Me, hiking up my jeans before they showed my panties to all in the hall. Of course, he was the only one in the hall and all that was said was “Hey Heather, they have these things called belts. They’re kinda cool.” My response to this was to smile a doofy grin and pick up my pace a bit.
  • Me, upon walking into the kitchen and seeing that no one had thought to make more coffee after finishing the pot, saying “POOP!” quite loudly. THEN, while getting coffee out of the cupboard, before I could even do anything, I hear “OOOO, stripes, perhaps the belt isn’t for you.” I turned red, tried to act cool, hit the “start brew” button and  watched while a few tablespoons of coffee fell to the floor before I realized that I needed to replace the pot.

Seriously, I think I may have some sort of condition. It may require professional help. Or maybe I need to start drinking at work, then at least I would have an excuse for my behavior.

Oh dear!

Well, it looks like I’ve done it again. I’ve gone and gotten myself all crushing on a co-worker. Don’t bother shaking your head at me, I’m doing it myself. Sure, the last few days I’ve been attracted to nearly every male to cross my path…but this fella has been popping up in my thoughts for longer then the hormone fairies have been in town. He is also affecting the way I act at work….WHY?!?!?

A couple of weeks ago I was in a meeting and caught myself starting some witty banter with him. That self-realiztion resulted in my becoming suddenly mute. Later that day he came to my office to ask me a question and I was pretty much acting as though I had some sort of impediment that prevented me from communicating like a normal human being. His response to my actions, “You’re having an ‘off’ day aren’t ya?” THANK GOD he didn’t think this was normal for me.

On Halloween I took the holiday as the opportunity to wear a tiara. In a small meeting I was asked if I was a princess….my response “I’m the princess of (my dept) god dammit!” This was said with all the attitude I had in me. I think I even did a neck roll sort of thing. In the midst of the giggling of the other two people in the office with me, I look up to see HIM, in the doorway, not at all sure what to make of what he has walked in to. Damn I’m cool.

Last week I agreed to be at a before work hours meeting because he was going to be there. Bastard didn’t show up….he was running late. I’m sorry, but one shouldn’t run late when I’m having a good hair day AND am wearing my favorite sweater (which isn’t super lovely, but has some sort of magic power that makes me super cool in it).

He walks past my office and my stomach gets weird.

He stands in the hallway outside my office talking to someone else and I shut off my music and eavesdrop.  I mean, sure, he’s talking about the ad shoot for a new client, but I anticipate the conversation being something like “Sure, we can use that director. I mean, I totally have the hots for Heather, so I’m sure he’d do a great job.”  I’m paraphrasing of course.

During an agency meeting when he is giving a presentation about some recent work, I found myself staring at him, even when he was not speaking. I’m pretty sure I got caught a couple of times.  My eyes were so glassed over at the lack of excitement in the meeting that I couldn’t divert my attention very much. I seriously should teach classes on how to be smooth!

Popped into a gathering this morning and he was there. I think I answered all the questions asked of me, but I knowthat his hair looks soft today and that the jeans and black shirt combo works.

What am I thinking?  What good can come of this?  He’s totally older then I am…sure, probably in the range of age I SHOULD be attracted to, but still. His pants are usually too short and sometimes, oh my, I hate to even say this, PLEATED!  But he likes Modest Mouse. He’s good with words. He has nice teeth (and he smokes…so that’s saying something). I’ve started to associate songs with him. He’s got a beard….which is such a “thing” for me these days. I’m pretty sure he’s single and unattached.

Oh hell, office crushes are fun. I’ve already picked out a few places that would be great for a “rendez vous” or a little afternoon delight. Let’s hope I don’t get a glass front on my office…. I’m just saying.

Annoyingly Happy

I hate to admit it and am ashamed that I let it happen to me, but I fear that I am, as of late, one of those people. One of those people who is ridiculously positive and annoyingly happy.  I’m sorry, I don’t know what happened, but this is the cross I must bear.

I think I have come to the realization that in so many ways, happiness is not a result of circumstances or situations one finds themselves in, but rather, it is a choice. It is decision, whether conscious or not, to make the best of what is around you. It sounds crazy I know. A year ago this time, I would not have believed anyone who said this to me, heck, people said it to me all the time and I didn’t believe any of them.  Life, in my eyes at the time, was a struggle. A struggle to survive. To lessen the pain as much as possible. To get through each day, hell, each hour without crying. I was in a tunnel. I didn’t see the end of the tunnel, but I think I always knew that all tunnels (like all things) end eventually.

So, I sit here a year later and am so irritated with people who can’t just simply be happy. No one’s life is all peaches and cream all the time. But if given the choice between positive or negative….why wouldn’t you choose the positive? I’m not belittling the sadness and depression of people, trust me. However, I witness, numerous times each day, people that walk into any given situation pissed off or ready for a fight. Why would you do that? Why pick a fight with someone who you KNOW has a different opinion then you on things? Why figure everything is going to get all messed up, no matter what, so you might as well get mad as soon as possible?  Why assume that no one else is working as hard as you? Why think that people are trying to sabotage you? Trust me, people don’t care that much about anyone other then themselves.  Why not see the comedy in the errors of everyday life instead of the tragedy?

I am not trivializing the world we live in, it’s pretty messed up. But being angry and negative about it won’t change that. Each of us have our own set of problems, but dwelling on them doesn’t make them go away or get better. I’m not saying you should skip through the fields of life singing and giggling, but don’t walk into every room with a frown on your face.  Notice that sometimes the sun is shining. Notice the slight chill of fall in the air. Notice the squirrels chasing each other in the park. Notice the silly faces people make in meetings. Doodle if it makes you happy. Go to the park and swing. Play with a dog. Get a mani/pedi. Buy yourself a treat.

Create some little pocket of happiness in your life and before you know it, your pocket might take over your whole life and you too, can be annoyingly happy.  Sorry.