Britney, Britney, Britney

Oh dear.

I just watched the opening of the MTV VMAs and our poor little Britney’s “comeback” performance. First off, the song SUCKS!  Can’t dance to it, it has no catchy hook.  JUST PLAIN BAD! Perhaps that is why Britney looked like the loser at a amateur drag show up there? Ok, I should be so lucky to have her body, but you know what, I don’t wear bikinis on stage in front of millions for my work.  If I did, even with MY body, I would make attempts to “suck it in.” Bless her heart.  Then the “dancing”–well, it is well documented that Whitney Houston can’t dance so she would just walk around and do sort of “dancy” moves.  I think Britney is now looking up to her partner in rhyme, Whitney.  She walked around looking dazed with no sense of the beat. She didn’t even try to really lip sync as the song moved on.

Yet another car wreck in the life of Britney Spears.  I will admit that I’ve always had a soft spot for her. She used to be so cute and coquettish, now she’s just sort of sad. Her train wreck of a life isn’t even interesting, it’s disturbing.

I blame K-Fed.

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Empire Records

I watched the movie Empire Records last night on the groovy Netflix “Watch it now” thing. Pretty nifty and made it so I didn’t have to dig out my VHS of this movie. I love this movie. It’s silly and overblown, etc….but it makes me happy. It reminds me of my days in the retail world and the craziness of the music department at ol Border #86…GOOD TIMES!

I found a quiz to see which Empire Records character I am, here are my results:

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She’s Crafty

Well, he’s probably my fave character of the movie, but I don’t know that I relate to him that much. Then again, I’ve always had a thing for Rory Cochran, especially in Dazed and Confused.

That’s pretty much the excitement of my weekend.  I got caught in the rain at the grocery store, I tend to think getting caught in the rain is a lucky thing, so I have high hopes for the week 🙂

words

I am a lover of words. Under most circumstances, I am verbose to say the least. There are, however, days and times and situations where I have no words. Today falls into that category. I still look for comfort in words, today I found comfort in the loving words of my friends and co-workers and, of course, song lyrics.

This is a haunting song that is either totally depressing or hopeful, I can’t decide. Either way, it helped me today.

Breathe Me: Sia

Help, I have done it again
I have been here many times before
Hurt myself again today
And, the worst part is there’s no-one else to blame

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Ouch I have lost myself again
Lost myself and I am nowhere else to be found,
Yeah I think that I might break
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small
and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

she’s gone

I finally got the call I have been dreading from my father.  My uncle had just heard from the nursing home that my Grandmother passed away. She lived from February 2, 1911 (Groundhog’s Day–or Grandma Hog’s day as she would joke) and died on September 5, 2007.  That is a mighty long life.  I know that the only things she regrets—although I don’t know that she would ever use that word–is that she never went to China and never lost that “last two pounds.”  The “last two pounds” thing is a joke. No matter how slim and trim my Grandma was… this was a woman who wore my 8 year old butt out with beach runs!…she always had those pesky “last two pounds!”  Even when I saw her a couple of years ago and her awareness was at a low, I joked with her that it looked like she lost those two pounds.  She said, well, my tummy is still not flat.  She was 94 years old, but she was still aware of those two pounds.

I told my Dad that I imagine she is now back walking the beach, her favorite activity, and finding shells and taking care of the babies in Heaven. I had emailed my friend who just lost her baby and update about my Grandma and mentioned she was back running the beach like when she use to wear me out, laughing the whole time. My friend’s response was “I like to think that she is doing all that fun stuff with Erin Michelle (her baby) and that they are taking care of each other.”  THAT KILLED ME!

This growing up shit is for the birds.  Whoever sold me on the idea that this was a good time, I want my money back. I had a thirty minute fit tearing through boxes of pictures and photo albums looking for pictures of her to take to work tomorrow.  I found all but the one I was really looking for, a photo of her from the late 60s. Her hair already it’s beautiful white, sitting in a very 60’s kitchen with her head thrown back in laughter. That sepia toned photo is the perfect embodiment of my Grandma. So full of life, no matter what.

Even though, for all intents and purposes, my Grandma has been gone for awhile now, this doesn’t hurt any less. This woman who survived quite a few hurricanes and fought off a mugger on the streets of Miami at the age of 80.  This woman who got me up at 4AM to watch Prince Charles and Princess Diana get married.  This woman who knew to put meat tenderizer on my arm when I got stung by a jelly fish and how to accessorize like no one’s business. She is no longer with us. Her body is gone. Her spirit will live on in the lives of everyone she met, and particularly me. I love you Grammy and I miss you so much I can’t breathe. I will make sure that everyone important to me understands how important you were in making me the person I am today and you take care of little Erin Michelle, she’ll be looking for you.

New T-shirts!

I don’t wear t-shirts that often, but am obsessed with all of the great designs there are out there. Yes….Threadless and sites like it are my crack, I can’t help it.

Here are the two shirts I received today:


I’m thinking of making pillows out of all the cool t-shirts I have already or find and using them to decorate the second bedroom I will have in a few months when I move. Gotta support those creative types out there 🙂

OMG!

Sweet Jesus on a pickle chip….this is NUTS!

I mean really….lung disease from butter flavoring? All those years I avoided smoking (except in very drunk situations) and thought nothing of popping some corn in the microwave…..I’ve been missing out. I don’t even look cool eating popcorn like I do when I smoke (at least I think I look cool when I smoke, I’m drunk remember!) I tend to get it stuck in my teeth or accidentally inhale a piece and choke. Oh no, all those inhaled pieces….I should go to the doctor right now and get checked out.  I’m fully aware that many of my daily habits are slowly killing me, I had no idea that popcorn was one of them. I don’t know what to do with this information…..I simply don’t know.

Baby on the brain…again!

Awhile back I was having dreams about babies and such. As mentioned, a friend of mine was pregnant. Well, now she is not. She had some pretty scary health issues last week and gave birth to a 10″ long, 11 oz baby girl. They had to pick a name for the birth (and death)certificate. They had the baby baptized….which, for my somewhat lax Catholic friend, gave her great solace. I have been through a lot with this woman and never have I heard her in such pain as I did when she called to give me the news. We sat there in silence for quite awhile. I, not one to ever be at a loss for words, had nothing to say. I wished that I could reach through my phone and hug my dear friend. My friend who had just become comfortable and excited at the prospect of being a mom. I cannot begin to imagine what this is like for she and her husband. I fear that this will taint them for a long time, if not forever, at the idea of children. When/if they do get pregnant again, will they be able to enjoy the process or live in absolute fear of what might happen? I just don’t know…and I hope I never do.

This horrible news came on the heels of a few days of me obsessing over wanting a baby.  It seemed like everywhere I went…there were adorable babies and happy little families. I vacillate on the idea of children a lot.  Since my biological clock is ticking away, it seems like I think about the subject A LOT these days.  I recently decided that what I want is the package, the baby value meal if you will.  Sure, I could get the Sourdough Jack (my favorite fast food to eat when drunk) but what about the fries and drink. (To bring you up to speed on my metaphor, Sourdough Jack = baby, fries and drink = committed man and father to Sourdough Jack)

I simply can’t see myself as a single mother, at least not by choice (I’ve been around the block enough to know that commitments can end). I like to think I would be a good mother.  I’d teach my child right and wrong, how to put together a snappy outfit, how to know JUST ENOUGH about a bunch of topics to make it seem like your smart, all the important things.  But is this a reason to have a child?

This baby stuff ain’t easy….no matter what the teenage mother statistics may tell you.  For every one of my friends who has had a healthy happy baby, I bet I have 2 that have had trouble getting pregnant, or miscarriages or general issues in the baby making world. This, too, scares the hell out of me.  I have reason to believe that there may be issues for me in both getting and staying pregnant.  This is where “fries and a drink” would seem to play the largest role.  I can’t imagine going through what my friend just went through alone. It all seems so selfish to think of things in these terms…but in some ways, having a child can be a selfish thing.  It’s bringing another person in the world and hoping like hell that they are part of the solution, not the problem.  I understand that we live in a society and that our actions, in many ways, whether intended or not, effect all of those around us. So, I don’t feel right going all half-cocked into the world of baby making with the assumption that society will pick up my slack.  It’s just not right.

So here I sit, spinning on the idea of babies. I have no answers. I have no fries and drink. I have two other friends who are pregnant and I’m hoping that access to their little munchkins can help quench this thirst I have for a baby. All while I am being so self absorbed, I can’t forget about little Erin Michelle, who was born and died in Chicago a week ago, with her father’s ears and her mother’s hands and hope like hell that tiniest of angels has my back, because I sure would have had hers given the chance.

Grrrrrrrr

OK…I recently got into “Ugly Betty” and ever since seeing “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” have loved America Ferrera. I think she is BEAUTIFUL and funny and comfortable in her body. 

I was reading Perez Hilton–shut up, I love me some gossip–and came across this POORLY photoshopped image:

First ever “Figure Flattery Issue” huh? Why do her arms look like Stretch Armstrong’s?  Her whole shape is just wrong!!!!! She is a healthy girl, not stick figure skinny, but not overweight. She has curves. Her bones would not impale you were you to hug her. WTF Glamour????? My subscription ran out a month or so ago and this cover guarantees that it will not be renewed.

EWWWWWWWW.

If you’re going to photoshop someone….at least do a good job. Smooth out the skintones, emphasize some cleavage. Don’t remove the curves dammit. JUST DON’T DO IT!  OK, I’m so irritated that I can no longer be at all creative with my words.

Poop on you Glamour. POOP ON YOU!