A Brief Accounting

Here is a brief list of my faults, issues, and confessions. There is no way in the universe that I would ever be able to list all of them, but here are the ones that seem to be causing me the most trauma lately.

  • I fear commitment
  • I fear being lonely
  • I like the wrong boys for the wrong reasons
  • I have big pores
  • I have a tendency to want people to like me so much that I don’t actually let them get to know the “real” me
  • I feel too much
  • I think too much
  • I eat chips and dip for breakfast sometimes
  • I don’t always brush my teeth twice a day
  • I wear my contacts for days on end when I am not supposed to
  • I love my pets too much
  • I REALLY love my dog too much
  • I’m self-centered
  • I can be self-destructive
  • I take insults well
  • I take compliments horribly
  • I don’t speak up for injustice because I still believe that people are doing the best they can with the information they have at the time
  • I have no tolerance for stupidity
  • When people say “Do what?” instead of “pardon me” “what was that?” or even “huh?” I want to scream
  • I bite my fingernails
  • I don’t like to clean my kitchen
  • I rarely put away my laundry
  • My good intentions outnumber my good deeds exponentially
  • I expect return phone calls
  • I have no problem sleeping with someone on the first date
  • I have dozens of pairs of shoes and handbags
  • There are 5 handbags in my possession that I have never used
  • I let my dog kiss me on the mouth (mouth closed!)
  • I’m easily entertained
  • I’m easily discouraged
  • I start lots of things that I never finish
  • I get ridiculously happy in the presence of musicians
  • I fear clowns, little people and lawn work
  • I put on a brave face when I want to cry
  • I spent so much of my life trying to not talk too loud that I now get accused of talking too softly
  • I sleep in my clothes more often then anyone with an actual home and actual pajamas should
  • I still believe in fairytales
  • If it wouldn’t make me sick I would only eat appetizers and desserts and only drink Tropicana Light Lemonade or Vodka Tonics
  • I like to get drunk….even if I sometimes fall down
  • I have a list of boys that I want to “lick from head to toe”–it’s a VERY short list and easier to get off then get on
  • I have a freakishly short tongue
  • Sometimes I would rather sit at home alone on Saturday night then go out with actual people
  • If I stay at home alone on Saturday night instead of going out with actual people, I will be pissed at myself about it on Sunday
  • I still draw on myself from time to time, but now I call it “tattoo research”
  • I want better cleavage
  • I rarely make my bed
  • I can’t find the right lipstick color
  • I need something to wear to the agency anniversary party
  • I’m more excited about the open bar at the anniversary party than Ricky Skaggs performing
  • I need a date to the anniversary party—ok, I don’t NEED one, I want one, one particular one.
  • I obsess over boys
  • I quote song lyrics a LOT!
  • I have an oral fixation
  • I want to go canoeing again, with pretty much the same exact people and a whole bucket full of new knowledge
  • I need new panties
  • I have bouts of insomnia and bouts of “whatever you call it when all you do is sleep, but not because you are depressed or physically exhausted”
  • I’m not participating in “Hands on Nashville Day” because I don’t want to be too tired to raise hell with my buddies Reckless Kelly that night
  • I still haven’t finished Harry Potter book 4 and it’s making me want to abandon the series all together
  • I’m tired of listing my faults


I think I have S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) or maybe it’s more accurately for me “Single Affective Disorder?”

When you are little you are taught that there are four seasons, Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter.  This fact is reinforced with decorations on bulletin boards in classrooms, the colors of paints you use in art class and other random lessons. You know, if you lived where there are climate changes, that once Mom busted out the sweaters and cords, it was fall. When you had to try on last year’s coat (in hopes it didn’t fit so you could get a new one) it was Winter.  Once the pastel colors came out, Spring was finally there and then it was just a hop, skip and a jump to Summer.  There was organization to this, it all made sense.

Then you hit High School and the seasons become Football, Basketball, Baseball and Summer, There are mini seasons in there too, Winter Dance season, Homecoming season, Prom season. These too, made sense.  There was a consistency to it all. Everyone in your daily life was on the same schedule.

College comes and it is more about the seasons of “Party Outside” and “Party Inside” with Spring Break thrown in for good measure.  Things weren’t quite as clear cut as they had been, but there were always specific things to look forward to based on the calendar. Semester breaks, end of dreadful classes (seriously, Human Sexuality should have been MUCH better, especially when most of the baseball team was in the class, but alas, it was not!)  and eventually the end of college and the long awaited leap into adulthood. Really, if given the chance, rethink the leap.

Now you’re an adult. WOO HOO! Sure, there is no more homework (well, not as much, depending on the job you get) and you can stay out all night, any night (which you could also do in college) but you don’t do that because you have to get up and go to work. The seasons become less and less pronounced. Spending most of your time in a climate controlled office building, you clothing is dictated more by the HVAC system then anything else. You start to notice that you get less and less access to actual daylight as the seasons move into Fall and Winter. There may even come days when you leave in the dark and come home in the dark. The seasonal change loses some of its romance.

As a single person with no children, you will most likely have other “seasonal issues.” When you are single, you don’t play into many of the societal ideas on seasons as those who are part of a couple or have children.  You don’t have your annual apple picking trip (seriously, I have married friends who do this!), you don’t have the big Spring cleaning weekend,  the planning of the Summer trip, the choosing of the Christmas tree.  Sure, you can do all of these things, but doing them alone loses a large portion of the ceremony. Yeah, these are also things you can do in a group, but when you notice that your group changes every year, it can be a tad sad.  You may start longing for the days when everyone around you was on the same schedule.  You all had picture day, and the first football game and the last day of school, etc where you knew that all the people you cared about and wanted to be with were going to be there with you.

My suggestion for us single folk (and yes, it’s for me as much as, if not more so, then anyone else) as we watch the Summer fade away and the Fall take over, is to buy a new sweater that you feel cozy and good looking in. Take your dog for a walk in the piles of fallen leaves (or yourself if a dog isn’t available) find a sidewalk café where you can sit in your new sweater sipping a tasty warm cider, enjoying the warm Fall sun with a smile on your face. Make it a point to celebrate the changes of the season some way, any way you can. And for goodness sake, help to change the idea that “single” is a bad word.