I have recently discovered a secret power I have and I’m offering it up for all you men/boys/males out there. If you are looking for a new girlfriend or to make a commitment to a lady (or heck, a guy if that’s your thing) in your life…..all you have to do is get me to like you. That’s right, be creative, be a musician, have dark hair, be halfway nice to me and before you know it, love will be yours. Don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be with me….most likely it won’t be with me. I’m like a lucky charm for males around me.
Here are some examples of my power.
High School: dated cute football player. He broke up with me to date a much younger girl and then, apparently while dating her, realized he was gay. He didn’t act on this until much later, but he told me that he made me comfortable enough with himself that he went after the underage hottie and eventually realized that he was more of an “outdoor plumbing” kind of guy. Yippppeee.
College: (hmmm…..hard to pick just one) Let’s just say that every guy I dated is now married, many with children. I have two cats and a dog. When I run into these fine fellas they all tell me how great a person I was and how much confidence I instilled in them and how I taught them how to love better. Whatever. Fuck all of you…..ooops, let me take off my angry eyes.
Post College: Perhaps it’s a case of “once (20 times) bitten, twice shy (to the point of vascilating between being celibate and a slut monkey)” but post college I’ve had a rough run. I’ve surrounded myself, at various times, with some of the most fascinating and wonderful men on the planet. Most of them see/saw me as a really good friend. I was an informant for the female gender (sorry!). In some cases I was a good booty call. Overall, I was/am someone who these guys would come to for advice with girls. I would tell them what I would like and then watched them go do it to/for/with some other girl.
Feel free to leave me a comment if you are a guy who needs some love advice. If you want to get a new girlfriend. wife, etc….in no time flat, be somewhat attractive, silly, smart or any combination of that and I will put a spell on you that will make you irresistible to all woman and completely unaware of seeing me as anything but a friend. If you are a girl, who has a guy friend you’d like to convert….I’m pretty sure my power works that way also.
I just want to make everyone around me happy……..I’m a giver 😀