I fear for my possible, future, purely theoretical children.

I don’t think I would/will be a very good mother.

This epiphany came to me last night at 2 AM (so would that actually be this morning?) when my beloved Noodle pulled his leash off the counter and dropped it on my sleeping head.  Of course, I screamed when it hit me…but once I opened my eyes and looked at him….I couldn’t be mad.  He tilted his furry little head and blinked his eyes and made his ears perk up as though to say “Why so loud…let’s go for a walk!” Instead of ignoring him, turning the lights back off and going back to sleep…..I played with him.  We played fetch and tug and then he just started licking me uncontrollably. Who needs sleep when you have a frisky 9 month old puppy to play with?

Since I was COMPLETELY awake at this point I started to think about how  the way I take care of Noodle might be a terrible indication of how I would be as a mother. Yesterday evening, for example, I took him to the dog park.  His girlfriend Lexi was meeting there, with her mom Ear Injury. He ran around and played quite a bit until Lexi got there, then he was all about her.  He got super dirty and tired out after an hour or so.  I packed his dirty butt up and we drove home.  Sure…the dog park is all about wearing him out, but I probably shouldn’t let him fall asleep in the car. But darnit–he’s so darn cute when he sleeps with his chin on the emergency brake! Then we got home and he immediately got a bath, followed by blow dried fur (he was SO fluffy) followed by some Lavendar and Chamomille powder (so he smelled super good). All of this was for me.  Sure, he could’ve used a bath, but the blow drying and powder was all for me.

He had his kibble and then fell asleep….at like 8:45!  I should have kept him up. But he was all clean and fluffy and snuggled up on my clean white comforter with his head nestled in my blue pillows.  He looked so cute.  I tried to get him to go outside to do his biz before I went to bed, but he just rolled over on his back, yawned, stretched and fell back asleep.

I know I’m in charge here….but why wake the poor dear up…just to avoid my sleep being distrubed later?  That seems selfish, no?

It seems so much different having a dog then it does to have cats.  Cats are like adopted children who are totally aware of their place in the world.  They are not too demanding, get affection when THEY want it and have very few expectations of you in general–other then feeding and litter box changing.

Dogs are so needy.  But their love seems so unconditional.  Every time you walk in the door it’s like you’ve just gotten back from war. With Noodle he licks my nose right after I turn the light off at night and when the alarm goes off in the morning. He doesn’t want to miss a second of time with me when I am home.  So, in turn, I spoil him. I blame potty accidents on myself (if I had come home right after work instead of Happy Hour–he wouldn’t have done it.) I rationalize him eating and chewing anything that falls on the floor…..how can he tell the difference between a chew toy and my prescription glasses?

So, now I figure that all this justification and excuse making for my dog will be how I would raise a child.  Luckily I have decided that there is no way I would have a kid without a strong father in the picture—I’m not that liberated—and hopefully he could be the voice of reason.  Yeah….with the guys I’m attracted to that’s not bloody likely.

Perhaps I should give up the idea of children now and become the crazy cat lady, with one, very spoiled, incredibly cute and slightly misbehaved dog.

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2 thoughts on “I fear for my possible, future, purely theoretical children.

  1. I’m still stuck on “pulled his leash off the counter and dropped it on my sleeping head.” Where do you sleep? On the kitchen floor?

  2. Well, not lately 🙂 He pulled it off the bathroom counter (where it was because of the bath) and the hopped up on my bed and dropped it on my head.

    Yeah–he’s SO disciplined. But he’s cute and male….I’m helpless.

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