The concept of “friends with benefits” has been plaguing my mind lately. I have had such situations in the past, but if I am completely honest with myself (it happens every once in awhile) those were more focused on the “benefits” portion of the equation. I liked these fellas just fine and would think about donating blood if they had surgery, but I wouldn’t give them a kidney or anything. Mostly it was a situation where we were physically attracted to one another, got along well and didn’t have a “special someone” in our lives (well, one schmuck actually DID have a “special someone”–but that’s a whole other mess). They were mutually beneficial situations and somehow no one ever got hurt, they just sort of ended.
The situation that is consuming my mind right now is much more focused on the “friend” aspect. If I have learned anything in this life, it is the importance of friends. My friends really are my lifeblood in so many ways and the thought of losing one as a result of hormonal actions, breaks my heart. I’m beginning to believe that “FWB” HAS to focus on the benefits. But DAYUM, I can think of dear friends of mine who would be great to have a benefits package with. Friends who I already occassionaly find myself holding hands with, or making out with, or just kinda sitting together all snuggled up and happy.
Here’s the weird thing. I’ve had men/boys in my life who made my knees quiver and my stomach do flips and my heart melt even thinking of being in their presence. Boys who I couldn’t keep my hands off of, yet we also had actual relationships. Boys I can confidently say I was “in love” with. I believe the term used in “Sex and the City” was “core shakers.” But do I want another “core shaker?” Why am I compelled to repeat actions, which evidenced by my current sleeping partners being a dog and two cats, have not turned out very good for me. Maybe I should go for a friend. A friend that I’m attracted to. A friend that makes me smile to think about and feel content when I am with them. A friend who wants to protect me. No big drama. No soaring soundtrack everytime we see each other. No running across fields into each other’s arms. Just knowing that we truly care about one another. Want the best for each other. Have a great time when we are together. Don’t fall apart when we aren’t together. Is this settling or is it a realization that what I have been going after my whole life, isn’t what I really want or need?
Oh hell, I don’t know. I’m so hormonal right now that I have new found understanding of and sympathy for teenage boys. Too bad I’ve sworn off one night stands (I’ve only technically had one—it was mess enough for a lifetime!)!!!
Hopefully I will become so consumed with the Harry Potter books, which I am finally going to read, that all this boy stuff will pass with little or no damage done……..not bloody likely though.