Blogette 16

Strawberry Starbursts taste just like Red Bull….I guess that should be vice versa since Starbursts are older.

If you didn’t have Tomato Basil Soup and Fruit Tea from Bread and Company while reading and eating your lunch under two huge trees at Centennial Park today, you missed out!  No humidity and a lovely breeze.

That is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

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I fear for my possible, future, purely theoretical children.

I don’t think I would/will be a very good mother.

This epiphany came to me last night at 2 AM (so would that actually be this morning?) when my beloved Noodle pulled his leash off the counter and dropped it on my sleeping head.  Of course, I screamed when it hit me…but once I opened my eyes and looked at him….I couldn’t be mad.  He tilted his furry little head and blinked his eyes and made his ears perk up as though to say “Why so loud…let’s go for a walk!” Instead of ignoring him, turning the lights back off and going back to sleep…..I played with him.  We played fetch and tug and then he just started licking me uncontrollably. Who needs sleep when you have a frisky 9 month old puppy to play with?

Since I was COMPLETELY awake at this point I started to think about how  the way I take care of Noodle might be a terrible indication of how I would be as a mother. Yesterday evening, for example, I took him to the dog park.  His girlfriend Lexi was meeting there, with her mom Ear Injury. He ran around and played quite a bit until Lexi got there, then he was all about her.  He got super dirty and tired out after an hour or so.  I packed his dirty butt up and we drove home.  Sure…the dog park is all about wearing him out, but I probably shouldn’t let him fall asleep in the car. But darnit–he’s so darn cute when he sleeps with his chin on the emergency brake! Then we got home and he immediately got a bath, followed by blow dried fur (he was SO fluffy) followed by some Lavendar and Chamomille powder (so he smelled super good). All of this was for me.  Sure, he could’ve used a bath, but the blow drying and powder was all for me.

He had his kibble and then fell asleep….at like 8:45!  I should have kept him up. But he was all clean and fluffy and snuggled up on my clean white comforter with his head nestled in my blue pillows.  He looked so cute.  I tried to get him to go outside to do his biz before I went to bed, but he just rolled over on his back, yawned, stretched and fell back asleep.

I know I’m in charge here….but why wake the poor dear up…just to avoid my sleep being distrubed later?  That seems selfish, no?

It seems so much different having a dog then it does to have cats.  Cats are like adopted children who are totally aware of their place in the world.  They are not too demanding, get affection when THEY want it and have very few expectations of you in general–other then feeding and litter box changing.

Dogs are so needy.  But their love seems so unconditional.  Every time you walk in the door it’s like you’ve just gotten back from war. With Noodle he licks my nose right after I turn the light off at night and when the alarm goes off in the morning. He doesn’t want to miss a second of time with me when I am home.  So, in turn, I spoil him. I blame potty accidents on myself (if I had come home right after work instead of Happy Hour–he wouldn’t have done it.) I rationalize him eating and chewing anything that falls on the floor…..how can he tell the difference between a chew toy and my prescription glasses?

So, now I figure that all this justification and excuse making for my dog will be how I would raise a child.  Luckily I have decided that there is no way I would have a kid without a strong father in the picture—I’m not that liberated—and hopefully he could be the voice of reason.  Yeah….with the guys I’m attracted to that’s not bloody likely.

Perhaps I should give up the idea of children now and become the crazy cat lady, with one, very spoiled, incredibly cute and slightly misbehaved dog.

I’m such a follower!

Not to be confused with a Followill (although it would be cool to be a Queen of Leon….would that be what the female Followill’s go by?)

Ok–I digress.  I will be participating in the August Happiness Challenge that I read about here. I’m not normally one to follow in the footsteps of a Vols fan…..but it had to happen eventually.

I have one more full day of being bitter and discussing things I don’t have.  Then it will be a month long happiness fest. A hot, humid, miserable, sticky (but not moist!) month of happiness.  I will probably throw some less then happy things in there, but I’m all about the yin/yang of the world.

Happiness is a warm gun….or is that not in the right spirit?

Blogette 15

Flippin’ Mondays! (I’m trying to clean up my language)

It’s hot as balls outside (um….not clean language…but it is true!)

I want very very very badly to call someone that I probably shouldn’t.(or should I?)

I burned my tongue at lunch….which the above phone call might “remedy.”

I saw 4 college aged boys moving furniture and stuff today and almost ran off the road trying to both enjoy and avoid the testosterone cloud.

I have a little over 3 more days to get through before my self prescribed mental health day Friday.

I DIDN’T go to the Music City Brewfest this past weekend….I should have!

That is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

Available: One Slightly Used Heart

Hmmm–not sure if slightly used is the correct term.  Previously owned?  Don’t like the sound of that. Well worn in?  Eh. Vintage? I’m not THAT old.

Regardless….the important word is available.  In the last few weeks, couple of months, what have you, I have felt a certain change in my spirit towards romance.  Watching a surprisingly good movie this evening, I realized what the change was.  In the movie the main character’s fiance has died and she moves in with his friends, one of which OBVIOUSLY has a major thing for her.  At one point she asks him who he’s dating and he says no one.  He then goes on to say that it doesn’t really matter because he isn’t available anyway.  She thinks he’s having an affair with a married woman or something and then finally clues in that he isn’t “available” because he is in love with her.

It dawned on me that romantic availability doesn’t have a lot to do with there being a “couple,” it has to do with what you feel in your own heart.  In my recent memory I haven’t been available. Sometimes it’s because I was so terrified that I would get my heart broken again that being alone sounded better and sometimes, probably most recently, it is because I had given someone else my heart.  They didn’t take it. Weren’t interested in having it. Were terrified at the prospect of it.  But, none the less, they had it. I knew it. They knew it. What neither of us knew, however, was what to do about it.  I took some lovely self destructive routes. Did some things I might not have done otherwise.  Said things that they didn’t deserve to hear–not bad things, but actually rather nice things that they didn’t deserve because they couldn’t deal with them. A variety of things happened and it all came to a pounding crescendo…and that was it. The level for which I care for this person is the same, but the level at which that caring effects me is much different. I feel like things are almost back to normal and that is good.

Which brings me to where I am today.  Today I am feeling more open at the prospect of romance, etc… then I have in a long time.  I’m not analyzing what I think I want or need, but just seeing how people make me feel.  People who make me feel good, emotionally or physically are tops in my book. It isn’t about being “cool” or suave or debonair.  I’m not looking for a bad boy or a good boy.  I’m not really looking for anything other then someone who gets as much pleasure from my company as I do from their’s. It’s all about a smile or a laugh or a hug or the random touching of a hand that sends electricity through my body.

I had a very restless night sleeping last night that, I believe, is within this same topic.  I had so many very “hot” dreams last night about a certain person that I woke up a couple of times out of breath.  Physically out of breath, sweating and smiling.  These were dreams, just dreams, but DAYUM! The only thing that troubles me about these dreams is that there is some sort of disconnect in my feelings for this person.  I love them to death.  I would do anything for them.  They are sweet and kind and silly and manly and cute.  They are a very important friend to me.  I am also incredibly physically attracted to them. They have a way of looking at me that gives me butterflies.  They have a playful nature that really floats my boat.  So it would seem that all the pieces are there for a good thing.  However, for the life of me, I can’t imagine dating this person.  Sure, hanging out is good. Sure, hours of hot monkey sex is good. But somehow, I can’t bridge the gap.  For the record….there has been no hot monkey sex.  I was talking to a friend about this and they were asking what the difference is?  Isn’t dating basically hanging out and then having sex?  But, somehow, in my odd little mind, it’s different.  When I hang out with someone I’m dating, there is always a monkey sex undertone.  There are little glances and random touching that is all some very early foreplay.  When I hang out with this person, it’s just hanging out. Talking about what we’ve been doing, movies, etc….Sure, there may be some flirting, but it’s the kind of flirting that females do with their male friends, flirting that has no intention of being anything other then flirting.  What the hell is my problem? I can 100% say that I am open and available, is there something about this (pardon the expression) “low hanging fruit” that doesn’t have enough of a challenge for me? Even after all I’ve learned, do I still need a bit more of a challenge?  God I hope not.

We won’t even get into my boy obsession I don’t actually know…….that’s a mess for another day.

It’s week 3 on the bc pills, and that is always interesting. Perhaps this hormonal surge will be just what I need to get things in motion. Hee hee, that would be cool.

Happy Anniversary to Me!

Seven years ago today I became an official resident of Nashville.  I moved into my little apartment with only a bed, a TV, a stereo, 2,000 CDs, an air mattress and a lawn chair.  It was the scariest and most exciting thing I had ever done.  I had no job.  I knew no one.  I had enough money to live for about 2 months. The first few days were exciting.  The next couple of months were terrible.  Then I started to make friends. I had a job that was paying the bills nicely. I went out more–which is good since my apartment was way more ghetto then I had noticed moving in and the shootings and drug busts seemed to happen in the late evening and were all cleaned up by the time I got home.

I fell madly in love, not with a person, but with my city.  The place I had decided to make my home felt more like my home then any place I had ever lived.  The first time I flew back to L.A. I was almost sick at the thought of leaving.  I remember being at the Cleveland airport waiting for my connecting flight and the gate next to mine was a flight to Nashville and I just wanted to get on it and go home!  I missed my L.A. friends and my mom terribly….but it simply wasn’t home any more.

In the past 7 years I have laughed more and cried more and learned more then in the 26 years before. I have met the most amazing people. I have made the most wonderful friends.  I have stayed in touch with my L.A. friends (something I’m quite proud of!) and have even shown them the wonders of Nashville and they too, have quite a crush on this city of mine. I am still dumbstruck at the natural beauty of this area. 

I  love the creativity that seems to permeate the air. I love the fact that on Sundays, it feels like a very small town, it’s so quiet and slow and lovely. I love the smell right after a big thunderstorm. I love the smell of the air when you cross the state lines (the air in Tennessee is just sweeter…I don’t know why!) I love that I can eat corn nuggets at a meat and three and thai food on the same day. I love sitting in Centennial park and reading. I love seeing indie movies at the Belcourt and drinking fair trade coffee at Fido. I love knowing that macaroni and cheese is a vegetable and that sushi is great fried.  I love to sit on the patio at Jackson’s and drink vodka tonics with my friends AND my dog. I love the country boys in pick-ups and the rocker boys in black. I love popsicles from Las Paletas and sweet potato fries from Bobbie’s Dairy Dip.  I love that I “rescued” all three of my pets…..but I know that they actually rescued me. I love Thirsty Thursday at Greer Stadium. I love being able to hear the cannon when the Titans score a touchdown. I love hearing a song on the radio and know that the artist was at the table next to me the night before. I love being an 8 hour drive away from Chicago. I love being a half hour drive from the middle of nowhere. I love tomatoes in late July and shephard’s pie at Family Wash in late January. I love being able to walk into Corner Bar and have my drink ready for me before I sit down. I love that we now have a Sephora AND multiple places to get good fish tacos. I love pupusas at Las Americas and the accessories at Pangea. Really, the list goes on and on and on……

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years.  Somedays it feels like I just got here and other days it feels like I’ve lived here my whole life.  I’ve had a pretty transient life, but I now know that I have found my home and that is a very re-assuring fact.

Blogette 14

Here is a list of things that I would like to be doing right now:

  • Swinging (at the park….not the “other” kind)
  • Having a bubble blowing contest with the perfect piece of bubble gum
  • Playing with my dog
  • Sitting by the pool with my supercool girlfriends sipping cocktails
  • Getting to know a certain dark haired boy
  • Getting a pedicure
  • Bowling
  • Anything but working

That is all. Nothing more to see here.  Move along.

Pretty sure I will …..

…… HATE this show.  But I will watch it and laugh, embarrased at the truth. Or perhaps I won’t. Perhaps this will be the one thing marketed directly at me that I won’t fall prey too.

None of the guys on it seem very cute, nor are they creative types.  I might be able to out smart this one!

HA!

Blogette 13

My toes are freezing!

It smells of macaroni and cheese in the office.

Granny smith apples and peanut butter are a lovely snack.

It’s corn nugget day at the meat & three, but I don’t feel cute enough to face my redneck crush.

*sigh* BOYS! *sigh*

That is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

Buddhist Quote of the Day 7-23-07

Again, I am not a Buddhist 🙂  But here is the Buddhist quote of the day anyway.  I’ll take insight and inspiration anywhere I can get it!

“No matter what one does, whether one’s deeds serve virtue or vice, nothing lacks importance. All actions bear a kind of fruit. “- Buddha

I think this spoke to me because sometimes I feel like I’m spinning my wheels and nothing I’m doing really has a huge effect on the world.  However, it seems that I am wrong.  Thanks Buddha 🙂