My subconscious sucks!

*****warning! I am a little bit tipsy and as a result VERY sensitive. come on in to my pity party….all are welcome!*****

So, I’ve been having all these weird thoughts about pregnancy, right. Well, turns out, one of my best friends, a girl I’ve known since first grade and love to death ,is pregnant. That’s right, I’m going to be an Auntie again. While, in general, I am thrilled, it also is a painful reminder. This girl has done many things that I have yet to do. She’s been married ….TWICE (she’s on #2 and I guarantee he’s a keeper) been divorced (ok…not really wanting to do this one) and is now on her second home she’s owned. Oh yeah, and now she’s pregnant. I know I am a horrible person for not being able to be anything but thrilled at this news…..but DAYUM! What universal law have I broken that finds me in a one bedroom apartment with three neutered animals and a drawer full of cute panties that are seen not nearly enough?!?!?!

To add to my subconscious’ fun with me, the team I played trivia with tonight was named “I love boobies.” Sure–who doesn’t . I should be glad that I wasn’t left alone to fend for myself at trivia and had some folks to play with….but BOOBIES???? This is an area that I am painfuly lacking in. In the last few months I have thought about surgical “enhancements” more then I ever thought I would. But, alas, I would not be happy with that. I’d feel so artificial and since I can hardly deal with the real me most of the time, there’s no way I could live up to some bodacious ta-tas! This has become a bit more of an issue in my head because I feel as though I would be competing with big boobie girls to enter the world of The Player to be Named Later Yes, I know my obsession with him is silly….but still. He’s apparently dated strippers (dubious choice at best) and has a ton of fine ass, big boobied girls who think he is the cat’s pajamas. What would he want with an average girl, with little boobs who laughs really loud, snorts from time to time, has a problem not speaking her mind, likes to paint and analyze song lyrics and loves her dog, her cats, her handbags and shoe shopping more then she should? Seriously….

So here I sit. Jealous of one of my best friends. Intimidated by women who are after a man I don’t even know. Feeling sorry for myself that the best kisses I get involve dog breath. Yet, somehow, still stupidly optimistic and refusing to give up.

WTF?????

Ok, that is all. Nothing more to see here. Move along.

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2 thoughts on “My subconscious sucks!

  1. I know exactly what you’re talking about. My roommate, who I’ve always been… a little more… together than, moved down here on March 1. On March 4, she met this guy. He proposed to her last week and they’re getting married in October.
    I know I should be happier than hell for her, but damn. I’m jealous as shit.

    Ugh.

    but I feel for ya, sister. I know exactly what you mean.

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